Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day [29.12.2009]

2009-12-29T20:59:45Z

[29.12.2009]

Rubi and the Hong Kong Obsession
Me being the immature 19 year old I am, I cant help but laugh at the word Wet. See if someone said to me something innocent such as 'I bet i'll get wet going to town later on' then one would have to stifle a laugh because of how in my mind I connect it to a moist vageen. But this condition isn't helped a long much when the game WET comes along which consists of a woman jumping around and skidding on her knees. Now I tried the demo for WET when it first came out and I quite liked it. Why? Because to me it was basically a spiritual sequel to the 2007 game Stranglehold. Now that is a good thing - I fucking loved Stranglehold. If you've not played it then go out there and buy it. Its only like a fiver probably. See they are both in the same genre really - Jumping around, doing stunts and shooting people. But one of them was directed by John Woo, the other is written by the same guy who wrote some episodes of 24. So what is WET actually about. Well its this woman called Rubi and she does network, aka assassinations, for random people who pay her moneys. Whats the plot about? Uhh. Fuck knows. Honestly im just going places, shooting people, getting pissed off at the game physics and doing about a billion arena matches because the game designer thought they were a GRAET IDEA. To say the game is flawed is like saying Stephen Hawking isn't that great in bed. See normally I wouldn't notice but playing inFamous simultaneously makes me notice a lot because both of the games do some of the same things, apart from Rubi doesn't shoot electric out of her fanny. See both the games have a focus on jumping and parkour style gameplay. With inFamous you can jump onto basically anything and climb up anything. In WET they tell you that you can do that, but in practise you cant. You have situations when you want to jump up a wall but the wall is obviously spread with butter because you're not allowed to cling from it. But then you walk two feet to the right to a different wall and can climb from that one like a sloth watching someone play the bloody thing. Things in the game annoy me such as when I was skydiving out of a plane shooting people and trying not to get hit by debris. You get hit by, say, one piece of cardboard and boom - dead. One hit kill. Also I think the writer or level designer must love Hong Kong. We start the game there then it goes 2 years in the future and we have to go there again soon after. Then we go to England and then straight back to Hong Kong. I don't know what Rubi does on her flights over to Hong Kong but on the third flight there I'd probably think fuck the wetwork, im gunna get a job in Argos instead. I mean seriously its copied the gameplay of Stranglehold and set most of the game in the exact same location. Did they buy the assets from Midway and have to continually use them to justify the purchase or something? See games now have a focus on realism. If your flying in the sky with no parachute and get hit by something then yes, you probably would die. But games with a female protagonist are never ever realistic. For example in the game [show off my nerdyness of not very well known medicore old action adventure games here] Rogue Ops you would never have Nikki suddenly holding her stomach in an elevator shaft saying 'Fuck, ive just come on'. Seriously - Why do female protagonists never have periods. In a game such as WET which takes place over about a month you'd expect it to happen. Or maybe she had that surgery thing to stop her from having them so she could still flip off platforms 5 ft in the air without cramp. But if she did have a period it'd give a whole new meaning to the title.

Crime Scene Investibullshit
The thing that always makes me laugh in TV and Film is when they use fake operating systems and internet browsers. But the thing is they always make it really stupidly fake. Like you would never have an OS like that because its completely user unfriendly and it looks like utter shite. Take the browser in Feardotcom for example, thats just ridiculous. It looks like a cybergoth's graphic design coursework. I mean you can accept it from old films such as Hackers and Johnny Mnemonic when you see 'the internet' as this huge massive city made of glass and electric and weird CG shit - But we're in 2009 now, we should actually be being realistic. This is what brings me to CSI - The show has always been infamous for its lovely CG sequences when it goes into someones body but its also known for being completely fucking stupid. Howso? Well one episode heavily featured a Paramore concert. YES REALLY. There was some ticket stub found and so they looked at footage people had taken on their phones [which for some reason was in HQ 16:9 - I'd like that fucking phone] and looked at the people sitting in the seat on the ticket and improved the picture to track down the person sitting there. Or something like that, it was completely fucking ridiculous. See CSI likes pretending that you can take a picture and improve it with no problems whatsoever. Hey, CSI, This isn't the 80's. You arnt Blade Runner. See ive not watched CSI in a long time so I didn't know how fucking retarded it had got. Take a look at this shit.

'Resolution isn't very good' OH YEAH OF COURSE. THATS WHY YOU JUST FUCKING ZOOMED INTO SOMEONES EYE AND LOOKED AT THE REFLECTION IN IT. What fucking CCTV camera would that be. I mean seriously it'd have to be filming using a 4K [4096x2160px] camera or something. But even then it wouldn't look that fucking clear. All CSI does is make old women think computers are amazing. The day my mom gives me a 250px picture and wants it wallpaper size with no deterioration to the quality is the day I kill the writers of CSI.

Discos: The New Cocaine
You know im pretty sure nothing really exciting happened at my school. I mean I never heard anything about people taking drugs or getting pregnant. The only real juicy thing I heard about was this girl in a couple of my classes getting kicked out because apparently she was a mega cunt to people. But she was almost always nice to me and in general so that made me go hmmmmmm. But fuck when I heard some of the things she did I was like daaaymn bitch, you're a bitch. But yes im pretty sure no drug taking happened. Alcohol, yes of course. Well it seems like over in Liverpool they have a problem which is even worse than drugs. Its such a problem that one 12 year old has been suspended for dealing. What was he dealing? Crisps. Wait, what? Yes apparently this school in Liverpool has banned 'fatty' drinks and fatty food. Why the ' around fatty drinks? Because drinks dont make you fat for fucks sake. If all you drank was coke then you wouldn't become fat. Infact you'd loose weight because all you'd be eating was solidified coke too. So this 12 year old sold a packet of Discos for 50p and got caught. So they suspended him. Ridiculous. His father apparently sells drinks, chocolate and crisps from a van outside the school which just seems quite pedo to me. Apparently theres about 6 or 7 dealers in the school. The headteacher sounds like a massive fucking bellend though; 'We are a healthy school and proud of it, If parents are not happy then they are free to take their children to a school that allows pupils to sell these things'. OR you could just fuck being a healthy school and let people eat fucking crisps in the school. You arnt China for fucks sake - You cant impose a reich on the school banning anything that has non-natural sugars in it. So to all that are at that school I say you must revolt when you go back to school. How? Bring in fucktons of food and eat it in lessons. Remember: Teachers cant physically touch you because then they can get arrested or fired.

Especially If They Touch You On The Penis

-micster x

Thought of the Day [28.12.2009]

2009-12-28T20:59:46Z

[28.12.2009]

Blasting Electric Up Your Sphincter
Yknow years ago when inFamous was first shown at E3 I was excited. I thought it looked kick ass. Then earlier in the year it finally came out. But it was expensive so I waited. But then they finally released a demo and I thought to myself 'Hmm. This isn't as fun as it was made out to be. Infact the combat is pretty crap and repetitive. Well maybe these are just two shit missions in the game'. Then I sorta forgot about it and spent money on more important things. But hurrah I got it for Christmas because I remembered it and asked for it. So I started it up and boom - Running around rooftops blasting electric up the sphincters of people in red hoodies wielding guns. It was fun stuff running around and blasting fools. But I don't know. I just finished playing another couple of hours and whilst it is fun for a while it soon gets into the niche of pissing you off and getting too hard. Now im currently playing on Easy. Don't judge me, I started on medium like normal. But when your getting your arse kicked you have to go down a notch in the menu. But even now on Easy im still finding it a massive challenge. And I don't mean the sort of challenge where you sit back with a sense of rewardment at actually beating the level - I mean a challenge where its fucking impossible. The mission I just gave the two fingers was me on top of a bus and I had to protect said bus. But then billions of people in hoods wielding gattling guns run in to shoot the bus up. Oh and if the bus gets damaged and you then die then its still damaged when you start from the checkpoint again. THANKS GAEM. The game is basically like GTA4 if Niko could shoot electric out his hands and wasn't such a bleary fuckend. It is fun but it soon irritates. Walking across an island and a half getting shot up by massive monoliths of bad guys isn't fun. Christ what was the islands like before the quarantine? Would you get kerb stomped on the way to the tesco for some milk? Oh also mentioning how repetitive it is, Im fucking fed up of having to keep going into the sewers and doing the same shit all the time. So pack that shit in, game. Im trying to give you the tongue bathing I expected I would when I first saw you years ago.

Kick Ass
Im not sure what films are actually coming out next year. Inception, I know that but then I know very little of whats happening. Is it because we're now seeing the effect of the writers strike from a few years back thinning out upcoming films? Or is it just because ive been somewhat disjointed from the upcoming releases. Im going to assume its the latter because as of late approx fucktons of trailers have come out for new films. One of them being Kick Ass. Now kick ass is a superhero movie, hay don't fucking throw your popcorn at me, im not the one churning out all of this shit. See the market has become so oversaturated with superhero movies and comic adaptations its getting ridiculous. But thats where Kick Ass is a bit different - All the heroes per se are just ordinary people who don't actually have any powers. A bit like Batman but without the billions of dollars. Anyway I don't know how many characters there is but the character trailers have started coming out. So I took a watch of one of them. I seriously haven't laughed so hard at a trailer in a long long time. This trailer is revolving around the character Hit Girl who is a girl. No seriously - The actress was 12 when she shot the part. Which makes it even more insane when you hear her say 'Okay you cunts, Lets see what you can do'. Intrigued? Watch it.

How fucking insanely awesome does that look? I mean I don't really know anything of the comic because, yknow, I don't read comics but its got my interest immediately. Its just seems to be one of those films with the perfect mix of comedy and action. A bit like Tarantino but with a pre-pubescent girl in a purple wig. Actually I really don't want to know what Tarantino would do with a pre-pubescent girl in a purple wig. Him and His Foot Fetish.

The Pray Suspension
Dear reader, I don't know if you're religious or not. If you are then I don't know how the fuck you're still staying here what with my open decreeing of religious figures being complete bullshit. Well to balance out the hate here is a story where people like me are seen to be the bad guys. So this 54 year old from Weston Super Mare [stupid name for a cocking place] is a Christian supply teacher who teaches ill kids at home. Alright thats nice. But shes now been suspended from her job. Why ever did that happen? Did she touch one of the kids? Did she steal stuff? Well no. On one day a girl was too poorly for her lesson. So what did the supply teacher do? She spoke about belief in miracles and religion and then said that she would pray for her to get better. Now alright maybe suspending her for that is a bit harsh we may think. But actually im not that sure now because ive got to think of it from my POV. See the parents decided to complain because of how the family didn't believe or follow a religion and so they were pissed that she was telling their daughter about miracles and that sort of stuff. Now I know that if im ill and someone says that they will pray for me, or even if in general they say that then I know I'd be pissed. I mean seriously if someone did say it then I'd probably hit them. Well attempt to anyway seeing how I'd have no energy being ill and all that. This isn't the first time something like this has happened either. ho no. In February a nurse from the same area was suspended from her job when offering to pray for a patient of hers. See im reading the article moreso and I read things like this; 'All Olive wants to do is help, she sometimes cries over those children and calls me to pray with her over the phone for them.' Yeah she sounds like a fucking idiot. But who knows maybe this praying lark actually does work. I mean if it does then why doesn't she just pray for her job back then ey? Because it doesn't actually work? MMMMMMM?

TotD: Unstitching Peoples Beliefs Since 2008

-micster x

Thought of the Day [27.12.2009]

2009-12-27T21:00:32Z

[27.12.2009]

The Post Christmas Round Up
The wrapping paper is in the bin, presents have been dished out and festive foods have been digested and mostly excremented. So how was your Christmas? I do hope you had a good one. As usual mine was good times all around. What was bad about it? Well, the Christmas TV was quite shite if we're being honest. I mean if you don't like soaps or unfunny female comedians then basically the networks were giving you the two fingers and telling you to shove a DVD on instead. Talking of DVD's what did you get for Christmas? Mine went from awesome stuffs to unexpected stuffs to whatthefuckisthis stuffs. Seriously I got some immensely cheap strange DVD's. Such as the Mitchell and Webb film Magicians and 'The Friday Night Project Unleashed'. But thats in the minority and pales in comparison to gifts such as the Cyanide and Happiness book, WET, inFamous, Bruno, Inglorious Basterds and Battle Royale Ultimate Edition #3. Actually I has a story about that because I knew I was going to be getting it. How on Earth did I know such a thing? Well on the morning of Christmas Eve I was lying in bed and talking to my sister and my mom who was outside doing various stuffs. Anyway my mom came in at one point and looked at one of my shelves. She pointed to my two Ultimate Editions and asked me how much they cost and how many I had. So I retorted and she left. Now woosh back a couple of weeks ego - She said that the book shop The Works was selling BR books for a fiver each. I showed her an ultimate edition asking her if that was them. She said she didn't think so. Well she went up town on this December 24th like usual and when she came back she had mucho food and other shopping. One of these bags being a bag from The Works. Hmmmmm, I said in my mind, I doth wonder what she has bought there. Anyway im pleased with it. Need to get reading them now. But that is all nothing when compared to the best present ever: A Lesbian Vampire Killers mug. FUCK YEAH! Anyway how was your Christmas Foods? I have to say that this year was like the best I remember. So much foods I got quite stuffed and got very bad wind. What do I mean by very bad wind? It was as if my sphincter had been replaced my the exit hole of an in service sewer. It was really bad. But fuck the food was so nice. Toad in ein Hole, Bruchetti's, turkey, chickens, various sausage products … It was quite the Meat Filled Christmas. I had a damn good time which is always good to have. I cant wait to be using my Christmas moneys to get ordering my camera stuffs. But that'll happen in the new year it seems cos we're waiting on a £20 Amazon Voucher to be received. But if it gets to mid Jan and it hasnt come then fuck it - I'll just spends the moar moneys. Anyway im still all in the Christmas mood what with this still being Post Christmas so its not a full thoughtings tomorrow. Instead you've got another Christmas related story. But its so insane I don't even know what the fuck is going on with it. Seriously, its exceedingly strange. But before that I just want to ask one more empty responded question: Did you enjoy The Cunt Who Tried To Steal Christmas? To say I wrote it over the span of 3/4 days I thought it was pretty kick ass. I mean story wise all I did was think of the title and build a story around that, which is probably why its so bloody strange and disjointed. But it was a fun exercise anyway. What? Don't look at me like that. I didn't say it was going to be good or well written!

The Kentucky Fried Christmas
So as I mentioned up there, my christmas food was so fucking gorgeous I feel hungry and want to nom on something as I think about it. Now many jokes are made in TV shows about poor people and Christmas food. For example the punky type girl in one of the early seasons of Peep Show said that last christmas she went to her sisters for Christmas and they ate Findus Crispy Pancakes for Christmas dindins. In Eastenders the Jackson family who am the poor peoples had Chicken Nuggets for their Christmas dinner. Now I cant seriously imagine people having like crispy pancakes or nuggets for Christmas dinner - But it seems that over in Japan, having KFC for Christmas is a perfectly acceptable thing. WAIT, WHAT? Yes. It seems over in Japan many people have chosen to have KFC for their Christmas dindins because of how the economy is still shite and its cheap. Well yes I can understand that its a cheap option but surely its soul crushing to have KFC as your Christmas meal. The adverts in Japan has a load of kids telling their parents that they want KFC for Christmas. Thats just fucking weird. Anyway my words wont be working that effectively so take a watch of the news report about it.

Fuck thats made me hungry. Anyway something ive only just noticed that was apparently in the video - KFC was taking reservations for the Christmas meals. So people have literally been reserving food to collect on the day? Whu? Wha? I don't even know. I reckon if KFC was open over here or in America they'd get custom from retards though. Also in sorta related news, a Japanese novelty chain store has been selling something which is quite .. well racist I suppose. Its a tissue holder but its shaped like a KFC bucket of fried chicken. But its not Colonel Sanders on the tub. Who do you think it is.

NO JAPAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING! BAD JAPAN! Yes people that is Obama dressed as Colonel Sanders. Oh also it comes with a coin bank. For change. Geddit. Change? GEDDIT

DO YOU GEDDIT MODAFOGAA!?

-micster x

The Cunt Who Tried To Steal Christmas: Part 3

2009-12-26T20:59:46Z

Part 3
By Michael Williams

December 26th. Boxing Day.
"They're in Grenada". One of the agents exclaims as he scurries over to Obama's desk. He hands over satellite photos of the missiles coming out of the ground. "Whats the population?" "Last figure was 105,552 but who knows how many people he has imported to work for him". Obama leans back in his chair whilst agents run around looking for various bits of data. As Obama ponders what to do the red phone rings once again. Everyone in the room immediately stops and turns to Obama sitting in front of the phone. He calmly reaches to the receiver and picks up the phone. As he puts it to his ear he just hears the sarcastic clapping of Alyx. "Ooh America don't worry about the big bad wolf with the nukes - It'll all be fine. Just keep scoffing your obese faces in the street like the peasants you really are". Obama smirks as he listens to Alyx's agitated ramblings "What was it you wanted exactly?" "You know my demands - Constitutionally enrol me as the president of the United States or-" "Or what? You have two nukes left but this is America. We have hundreds of thousands. But tell me one thing" "What?" "Whats the weather like in Grenada this time of year?" Stunned, Alyx keeps the phone held to his head in complete shock. Obama stifles out a small pitiful laugh and puts down the phone. "I want one of the weaker missiles to strike the epicentre of their base on the Island. The blast should destroy them but not effect people on the outer sides of the island". The agents nod and start running around once again to finish the wishes of Obama.

Alyx sits in his chair still stunned, his phone gives him a dead tone and he slowly lowers his arm to put it back on the base. Now shaking he rises up and walks out of his office. Shakily he walks down the corridor and to the barrier over looking the rest of the facility. He sees his men crying, screaming, weeping - In complete emotional agony and turmoil. Alyx surveys the area once again and wonders to himself what he has bought upon the world. One of his officers comes up to him, "Sir. They want to go". Alyx replies whilst still looking down "Open the shell doors and tell everyone to go immediately. Theres a group of boats down at Shelter #401 they can take to get back to the US". The officer nods and gets out a tanoy "Everyone - We can leave." A lot of the people below scream out there joy whilst others still have shock from the even strewn across their faces. "Get a team to Shelter #401 to pick up the boats - I'll unlock the shell doors". Alyx recoils back into his office and slinks down into his chair. The men and scientists run towards the large metal gate screaming with happiness. As the bolted metal rises up the sun blasts into the eyes of the men and they take a step backwards. The doors fully open and they run out dazed, confused and happy. Bill runs out of the doors and looks back at the facility. He turns to his friend "How could we have been so stupid to think that this place was going to be used for good".

"Mr President. The United Nations have given the go ahead for a small missile aimed at the base to be detonated". President Obama pulls a key from his jacket pocket and inserts into a slot on his desk. The top of the table drops down and a new computer system rises up from the desk. Just as he is about to put his thumb on a reader the red phone goes off once again. Obama cautiously answers it; "Listen. I let them all go. Its only me here now. How about we just call it quits. I deactivate my missiles and disappear into obscurity. Then we can just let all this blow over and let it become history". Obama stifles a laugh and then talks down deeply into the phone "The people of this world demand their revenge. Besides. We don't negotiate with terrorists". Obama slams down the phone. Alyx once again places it down. He picks up his chair and storms out of his room. Obama puts his thumb on the pad and the board lights up. "Whats the missile number" "#7106514-A" Obama taps in the number and more lights are activated. He places his finger on Grenada and the map gets a close up of the country. He enters the direct coordinate from the satellite images he was given, sweating more and more. Finally he reinserts the key into the desk and the plastic capsule encasing the red button rises up. "This is for the world, gentlemen". Obama places his finger down on the button and a loud beep comes from the desk. The LED readout says Activated. In Nevada a hole appears in the sandy desert and the missile comes pummelling out into the atmosphere.

On top of the facility, Alyx sits in his chair. He looks up to the sky and drinks from a cup. The missile gets closer and the wind velocity increases blowing his hair and making the cup fall from his hand, "Who wants power anyway". The missile hits the facility full on and devastates the area - The blast blows through the metallic skin and forces Alyx's two remaining missiles to blow too. The circular base implodes with fire and debris. From the army of boats coming away from the island the men look back in amazement of the sight. "They got him - The cunts dead".

"We have confirmation that the target has been destroyed" The oval office implodes with joy and congratulations to the President.

December 28th.
Bill walks through a destroyed town, dishevelled and tired men and women walk around the building trying to do some form of repair to an unrepairable home. With a backpack on his back he strides on up a steep hill. Rotting limbs and debris has effected the landscape. Once he reaches the top he looks around and sees intact houses. He musters the energy to run to a large white door. He bangs on it repeatedly. A small child, his son answers the door. The two of them smile inanely and hug. "Daddy's Home".

The Cunt Who Tried To Steal Christmas: Part 2

2009-12-25T21:04:45Z

Part 2
By Michael Williams

December 25th. Christmas Day
The scientists look over the monitors in their lab. "Target 1 through 7 have all successfully hit the designated targets." Alyx smiles "Excellent. Well done, everyone. Take a sleep break. I have to watch the reports." Alyx walks out of the room and up to his office. A new chair is sitting in his office. He sits down "Ahh now this is what I wanted". He leans backwards in relaxation and pulls a tag off it saying Merry Christmas. He snorts and throws the tag into the fire and watches it burn. He takes the TV remote and turns his TV onto CNN. Pictures from all over the world fill the screen of blasts, destruction and families dragging their dead in the streets. The solum news reader sits in a near dark studio. "This is the continuing story of the Christmas Day Attacks. At least three missiles have hit the united states, details are still sketchy. Here in New York one missile was visible hitting the Eastern side of the state. A lot of communications are down and we are currently running on backup generators. We will have more as soon as we receive anything on the matter". Alyx takes a cigar out of a case and lights it using the roaring fire. He puffs on it, still with the smile of self gratification. He picks up a phone on his desk and taps in a four digit code.

Washington DC. A missile hit the state but the White House still remains intact. President Obama looks over the damage and sighs deeply. The red phone beeps quickly and in a high pitch. He turns to see it and wipes away tears from his eyes. "Yes?" "President Obama. How did you enjoy the Christmas Lights?" Alyx retorts to him on the phone. Obama slams down his hands on the desk "Who are you? Al Qaeda? A PMC? Why did you do this thing" Alyx laughs the smuggest of laughs, "Al Qaeda … You make me laugh, Mr. President. No. Im just a man after what everyone strives for" "And what is that?" "Money and Control. Seven missiles have hit the Earth and we still have more. I'll just let that fact sink into your mind. I'll phone back on this secure line at some point in the day. Oh and Mr. Obama?" "What." "Tell the family Merry Christmas for me." Alyx laughs manically as he puts down the phone. Obama slams down the phone in disgust and sits down at his desk with his head in his hands.

Huddled in the boys bedroom, the wife of Bill huddles around with her children in her arms. The vibrations of the floor stop and all drops deadly silent. She quickly stands and looks out the window to see the distant landscape completely obliterated. People in the street looking dazed at whats happened, openly crying at the things they've lost. "Get dressed" the mother says. "Why? We cant go out there! We don't know whats happening!" The daughter retorts "I said get stressed .. We need to help". "But." "GET. DRESSED.". The daughter leaves the room dazed and confused - The mom puts her head down on the windowsill as she tries to think about what she should do for her family. Her son walks over to her and tugs on her trousers, "Is it still Christmas, mommy?". With tears in her eyes she turns and kneels down next to him and smiles through her tears "Yes .. Yes of course it is".

Bill runs through the various corridors - Fellow members of the staff either walking around in a daze or sitting down collapsed in a emotional wreck sobbing whilst looking at photos of their families. Bill runs into a commas room and grabs one of the available phones. He gets a tone and quickly taps in a phone number. He waits, baited breath, but then the phone tells him what he deathly didn't want to hear; 'Im sorry - That number is currently offline. Please hang up the receiver'. Bill in a fit of rage slams the phone down and throws it at the wall, smashing the receiver in two. He sits on a chair and puts his head in his hands. He gets out his wallet and looks at a picture of him with his family, the same picture his wife was looking at the day before. "Please be safe. Fucking be safe."

Back in the White House, President Obama is sitting in his office trying to collate all the thoughts swimming around in his head. Various persons of his cabinet are in immense panic around him. "Sir. We've got confirmation of seven missiles". Obama taps his desk, deep in concentration, he slowly looks up to one of his staff, "How much of America has still got TV access" "We've got a reduced service in a lot of areas but near the epicentres of the blasts its completely impossible." "And radio service?" "We've no idea, sir". Obama once again taps his desk, trying to comprehend the thoughts in his head and think of some sort of plan. He then steps out from his desk and looks out of the window to look at the destruction once again, "Set up an emergency TV and radio broadcast on all channels and all frequencies" "But sir, we haven't got a speech writer in the building" "THIS doesn't need scripting - America needs feelings from the heart. Not something an English degree student knocked up in a lunch time". The stunned staff members nod to Obama and run off to various stations to set up Obama's demands.

The street of where Bill's family resides is pretty much intact: Their neighbours walk around clothed wondering what happened and looking for damage. The mother with her kids start walking around. Her neighbour Alice comes to her in a mad panic "Have you seen Jim?! JIM? JIM?! Oh christ where could he be" the mother puts her arms around Alice and consoles her as Alice sobs deeply into her shoulder, "Don't worry - Cats are clever. He'll be fine. I guarantee it" Alice sniffs, "I guess you're right. You having a look around?" "I thought I should take a look around - see if anyone needs any help". The family and neighbour in tow start walking down the bottom of the street and onto the top of a hill where the neighbourhood has congregated. As the family looks out from the hill they see the full devastation of the blast - houses completely obliterated. Limbless people screaming out for help. Fires roaring all over the site. The whole area: The picture of it was as if it was something from a high budget disaster film. On top of the hill people cry out for people they knew down below, people pray to a god for some sort of resolution. One man is tuning a wind up radio. He scans the airwaves until a deep booming voice comes out of the speakers; "The following is an emergency message from the President of the United States of America". Sitting in his office, Alyx sits upright when the image of a dishevelled looking Obama comes onto the podium in front of a US flag.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Today not just our United States have suffered at the hands of one terrorist mastermind, but the whole world. Seven missiles have been struck down, three of these in the US. This day, December 25th, is supposed to symbolise a day where we bring peace to all men. We give gifts, We share precious moments with loved ones, we get in contact with those we might've lost contact with. All to wish them a Merry Christmas. Hell even if we think back to World War 1 we had British and German troops calling a Christmas truce, even so much so as to play a game of football together. This time of year has always been a time to be escapist. Children dreaming of Santa bringing them presents, Mothers cooking vast amounts of food unparalleled to anything they would ever attempt on a normal day. This man, this terrorist, he wants that all to end. He wants this holiest of days to be sullied - He wants it to be about him and the destruction he caused this year. But why should we give him the gratification of destroying what every man and woman has had for over 2000 years. One man cant kill the passion of millions. Spend today with your loved ones - If you cant then light a candle, remember them and live through those who are left. I cant say be normal because its not a normal situation, but continue as you would. Give presents, Share food with those who need it most. We cant let him think he has won the fight. And for him listening to my voice now, and I know you are, then all im saying is when a man strikes the United States then he should live with the incoming consequences. Thank you."

And thats exactly what the people of the world did - Comradeship was in the air. People helped strangers, they gave any aid they knew of and made them feed with them. Grande buffets were had in the streets of whole neighbourhoods clubbing around together to give to all that needed it. For they knew his words were right: December 25th is the day to gather around and be united as one. December 25th is the day to think of others and be grateful for what you have compared to others. December 25th wasn't just Christmas Day for them, it wasn't even the day that Alyx ruined lives forever. It was the day that the people of Earth learned to help each other, regardless of what the persons may have done in the past. It wouldn't be simply Christmas Day anymore, it'd be Christmas and Comradeship Day. A holiday treasured by the people of the whole Earth.

The Cunt Who Tried To Steal Christmas: Part 1

2009-12-24T20:59:46Z

Part 1
By Michael Williams

December 24th. Christmas Eve.
Men in lab coats are causing pandemonium. All stuffed into one large, clinically white, room. Lights flash on and off around the walls whilst some of the men check various pressure gages. Three of the men are sat at a desk by a wide glass screen. One of the men looks out of the screen and stares at nine holes in the ground covered by a thick metal plate. He sighs as he looks back to the desk in front of him and starts taking readings from the various dials again. He turns to the man next to him who is also taking down readings. "We're monsters, you know." The man continues taking his readings "We're not the monsters here. He is.". "But surely we are to blame too. I mean we could stop it right now. We could get out of here and revolt-" "But then we'd be dead too." The man stops taking his readings and turns fully to stare at the worried man "We may be doing evil work for an evil man, but at least we're going to be safe when it all happens.".

A man sits in a room of grandeur. Paintings on the wall, a roaring fire in front of an expensive rug, and he sits in a high tailed chair casting an immense shadow over the walls from the light of the fire. "I don't like it," he says as he stands up from it. He is an average sized man with medium length hair. Dressed in a suit with a bold red tie on he brushes himself down as he turns to another suited man in the corner. "Its just too stereotypical. 'Ooh look heres a man taking over the world, but don't he half look like Mr Burns'". The suited man nods, "Sorry Alyx. I'll tell the workshop to find something more suited to your needs". "Thank you, Private.". The suited Private salutes Alyx and then walks out of the door. Alyx sits back down in the chair and stares into the fire "Well it'll have to do for now I suppose". The phone on his desk beeps, echoing around the room with each beep. Alyx swivels around in his chair to reach his phone "Oh I do like that, though. Very swish". Alyx picks up the phone. "Alyx here". One of the engineers speaks to him "Sir. We think the nine have reached near full power". Alyx leans back in his chair and smiles. "Whats the time?". "Well its Half 4 in New York and Half 9 in Britain." "So we've got a minimum of 7 and half hours to go. Thank you." Alyx puts down the phone and leans further back in his chair. "I really could get used to this".

"MOM! HE'S FUCKING TRYING TO OPEN ONE AGAIN". A girls voice shrieks out. Shes standing next to a large christmas tree with her younger brother trying to carefully pick apart a present from under the tree. A middle aged woman dressed in an apron runs into the room and knocks the present out of the boys hand. "Stop! Infact go get cleaning your teeth. Santa'll leave you nothing if he smells the cheese on your breath". The kid quickly runs out of the room and up a set of stairs. The mother sighs and puts the present back onto the amassing pile. "Also stop bloody swearing in front of him, will you Alice" the mom retorts. "Beh. Not even like he's my real brother". The girl storms out the room and goes up the stairs too. The mother sits on a chair and sighs once again. She looks to a small table in the corner of the room and sees a family picture. "When you coming home, Bill".

"BILL!" A mans voice booms at a sleeping figure on a desk. As he wakes up we see he is the man from the photograph. He shakes his head and rubs his eyes to look up to his commander above him. "Im awake, im awake." "Listen - Alyx wants to talk to everyone on the base." "Everyone? Now? Ugh, alright". Bill stands up and starts walking along a long clinical white corridor with his commander. They turn into a room full of hundreds of men from the base. Scientists in lab coats or just simple people in suits. The room swamps with the amount of people. On the stage is a small podium and microphone. Alyx is lead out onto the stage, smiling and waving as he walks on, he is accompanied with a guard in a suit and sunglasses. He reaches the podium and the crowd of workers go silent. "Thanks for turning up everyone. For today I have very important news for all of you sitting here. Ladies and Gentlemen we are all going to go down into the history books tonight." Alyx casually drinks from a glass of water on the podium and then looks back up, still smiling. "Now this site has been testing nuclear power for 14 months now - Thats what most of you here believe. But actually the scientists down in the labs have been working on something a lot more important. Nine heavy duty missiles lie underground and in just a few short minutes, 7 are going to be set off into different parts of the Earth". The crowd recoils in fear and confusion, "You see. You haven't been working on making nuclear power safer - You've all been working on powering up each missile, all for tonight. December 25th. The date around the world thats symbolic with giving gifts, eating, having happiness with families. From tonight it'll mean something completely new. It'll be the day that I, Alyx Minner, took control of this rock. Jesus was born on this day and I, as your new god, shall rise too on this day." The crowd is in a state of shock, stunned at what Alyx has just said. They try to comprehend whats being said. Some think its a joke and others feel immense anger. One man rises up from the crowd "You cant do this! What about innocent people - What about our families?!" Alyx smirks and leans out "Well if they're near one of the hit zones then they'll be disintegrated into fuck knows how many pieces. But if they're lucky then they'll just be living in a destidual landscape with no hope of survival." "What are you going to get from killing people?! If the world is uninhabitable then whats the point!?". Alyx smirks even moreso, his smile engulfing his face. "All will become clear," He turns to the guard on stage with him. "Whats the time?" The guard looks down at his watch "Just after midnight in North America". "Perfect." Alyx turns again to the crowd. "Well its time. You should be happy - All of you will be completely safe here. You are going to be few of the people to survive this." Alyx walks off the stage as the crowd gets riled up and violent. "We cant let him do this!" "Cant we take control of the system!?" Various people from the crowd speak out against him until one scientist stands up "Its .. its too late," tears in his eyes his voice croaks "Nothing can be done now .. He has full control of the system". "That cunt. He lead us all here to do this, to sign our own families death warrants. And for what. To make the world his? To make Christmas Day synonymous with his name?"

Alyx is walking down a corridor with his guard, he bursts through the doors into the lab and over looks horrified looking scientists. One of them comes up to him with a box. "Here you go .. sir". Alyx takes the box from him and smiles back to him. "Thank you." Alyx looks out the window to see a sandy landscape above the missile holes in the ground. "Merry Christmas, Residents of Earth". Alyx flips open the box and holds down seven of the buttons. Seven missile covers open up and scraper tall missiles burst out of the holes. The scientists recoil backwards because of the immense heat and light emitted by the missiles.

In his bedroom the son of Bill looks out of his window to see the night sky. He sees a flying cigar shaped object in the sky at high speeds. "Its Santa! He's coming! He's coming!" The object bursts down into the ground and explodes. Light swells up the sky and the boy falls backwards with light now filling his room. Rumbles of buildings coming down and the ground shaking rocks his room. His mom and sister run in and look out the window and see the buildings in the distant crumble down to nothing. His sister picks him up and cradles him in her arms. They huddle at the window and look at the surrounding destruction happening in front of their eyes. "Santa didn't do that last year", the boy quips.

Thought of the Day [23.12.2009]

2009-12-23T20:59:49Z

[23.12.2009]

Batshit Insane Middle Aged Women: The Reason For Train Delays
Ruuuuuuuurgh *stretches. Im so tired. Why? I had to get up earlyy. No one should have to get up early when its the bloody christmas holidays! Especially when its Christmas Eve Eve. So yesh I was up early for I was heading on over to Shrewsbury to do some present handoverings. It was a bit odd on the train there. It was like Snow! Snow! Snow! Snow! and then I got there and I was like WTF WHERES SNOW. Good times were had though. Also I think im becoming a Slave to the Starbucks Corporation. Why? Well right now im rocking back and forward because I want another one of those mega nom Hot Chocolates injecting right into my veins. It was so chocolatey and oh lawd it had cream on top and NOOOOOOOOM. Anyway when it was time to depart I learnt a very useful bit of information. See the train I got on was the train that is the 9:09 I often get on at Wolverhampton on a Monday and Wednesday morning for uni. So I knew when we were due to arrive anyway. But the thing is the train didn't leave until 8 minutes late. Why? Im putting it down to batshit insane middle aged women. Now picture the scene - Im sitting on a train waiting for it to move and on the platform I see a husband and his wife. Now the wife is running all over the place, crying, screeching and kicking benches because of how she isn't sure if the train im sitting on is going to the place they are wanting to go. At one point the train was about to depart and she fucking went INSANE. So ladies and gentlemen if you are ever waiting for the train to Birmingham International and its late then there is the reason as to why - A woman in a fleece and wooly hat is going insane on the platform at Shrewsbury and the train driver is scared that shes going to fling herself under the wheels. Just to think - If she had've done that then it wouldn't have even delayed my journey because there was another train for me on a different platform. What a fickle suicide that would've been.

Video Day!
Woooot! Its the Christmas Video Day! Well alright most of the videos are Christmas related but we're still missing some. So im suggesting that on Christmas Day or Boxing Day you check with the AVGN and Spoony to see if their Christmas vids have come out. Or just wait till this time next week, idk. So we kick of proceedings as always with the Nostalgia Critic. Its been leading up to this, ladies and gents. He's taking a look at and reviewing the Star Wars Holiday Special. Now I have heard of this before but ive never seen anything from it. Its a rareish vid. Its exactly what it says on the tin - A Star Wars Themed Holiday Special. The review is just so fucking hilarious because the special is just such a piece of shit. Watch it, Love it and you'll be singing Santa Christ all night long. You'll see (; [Thatguywiththeglasses.com] Also over at TGWTG we've got a new Bum Review. This week he's taking a look at Avatar. Does he like it? Well. You'll see. Basically Doug has been thinking the same things as me. I like it when people who are awesome think the same things that I do. Makes me feel nais. Next we goes over to Sire Yahtzee with his latest Zero Puncutation Except there isn't one. Its just a 24second clip of him saying hes on holiday this week. Well. Poop. [escapistmagazine.com] Also over at The Escapist we has this weeks Unskippable. This week they've been taking a look at Dragon Age: Origins. This was a good one simply because of how they point out how pretentious and shit these stories of grandure about orcs and shit are. I hate all that bullshit. Swimmin' on over to the Cinema Snob now and not only is it Christmas Related but its also Britishly Christmas Related. He's taking a look at the piece of shit British Christmas Based Horror 'Don't Open Till Christmas'. As usual the video kicks arse. Especially how he acts at the very very start of the vid [thecinemasnob.com] UND FINALLY! We go over to James Rolfe and his review of another Christmas Horror, not a British one though. This ones called Black Christmas. Not much to say apart from its a great review. James knows what hes talking about with films cos hes in that scene and all dat. So ish good. [cinemassacre.com] Go watch dem whilst you jump around going OMG CHRISTMAS IN ~30 HOURS WHUT.

Have An XXXmas, Reverend
So yes its Christmas exceedingly soon and as we all know, Christmas hasnt been about Jesus for a long time now. No one in this modern society of 3G, McDonalds and Starbucks gives two fucks about Jesus' Birth. Its all about buying people gifts and stuffing our faces so much our anuses explode about mid lunchtime on Boxing Day. So why, I have to wonder, did a Church Leader get his neck collar in a twizzle over Ann Summer's adverts for Christmas time. For anyone who doesn't know, Ann Summers is a lingerie and dildo store [Well basically thats what it is] For there Christmas Campaign they've been using the slogans 'Merry XXXmas' and 'We wish you a Horny Christmas'. I see very little wrong with that. Apart from how the mannequins look like dead models that have been reconstructed with plastic.

So this rev is getting pissed off saying that the commercialisation of Christmas should not come at the expense of its true meaning. nani? Have you walked down a shopping street lately, Rev? Its not just Ann Summers that does this stuff - Its everywhere. Hell even peoples houses. Im pretty sure 6 foot glowing deities of Santa is near the true meaning of Christmas but you don't bloody complain about them, do you. The council said that they see how it would be extremely offensive to Christians at the time of year - Bullshit. But they also said that they have no powers whatsoever to force Ann Summers to take down the adverts. So HA! In your face rev. Thats what them tits in the window are anyway. Riiight in your eyes with the nipples poking your corneas. Anyway im hijacking this for ANNOUNCEMENTMENT. Remember the other day when I said I was working on a very important writing project that I needed to finish? Time to announce what it is. This Christmas you're not going to get a regular thoughtings - You're going to get a three part short story that ive been working on since Monday. Whats it called? Heh .. I love the title; 'The Cunt That Tried To Steal Christmas'. So its a three parter meaning the first part is tomorrow, second on Christmas Day and then the third on Boxing Day. So we'll be back to regularness on Sunday 27th. But until then you can enjoy the one draft, un-read through moronity that is The Cunt That Tried To Steal Christmas. Its been hard to write because im used to screenwriting rather than, yknow, book form writing. But I hope you enjoys.

Its Some Serious Tom Clancy-esque Epic Shite

-micster x

Thought of the Day [22.12.2009]

2009-12-22T20:59:47Z

[22.12.2009]

Ze Writing Projects: Zey Swamp Me
You know I hate it when certain people [read as: mother] say im lazy and don't work. I think very few people actually know that im constantly working on various stuff. So much so that ive now been smothered to death with the amount of projects I have on going. I mean we've got thoughtings which is a daily thing and then we've got my masses of scripts. I mean ive got so many scripts that have been started and planned but ive not had the time to actually sit down and finish them. Im thinking about some of the unfinished stuff right now, 'Figure', 'How I Learned To Stop Loving and Hate The World'.. and then theres treatments ive done and really want to work on such as my Typing of the Dead treatment from this summer. But then at the same time ive constantly got ideas for scripts too. Hobozilla being one of them. I mean I often do a lot of scripting in the graveyard shift because I love working in the dark when the house is all quiet apart from musics blaring in my ears. But this morning at like 2am I started yet ANOTHER project. SHOOT ME NOW. No but seriously this one is epic. See next summer im hoping to go over to New Orleans to see Terrik and people. So what are we going to do whilst there? Film of course! So in the early hours we were thinking about what to film and BOOM suddenly I got the idea. I wont tell you what its about but it involves me killing his sister and him in a wig trying to track me down. So yes its pretty fucking win. I don't know, I just take on too many ideas at the same time. Its like my brain has OCD and any idea it goes OOH OOH WRITE ME, WRITE ME. But of course ive not mentioned the main writing project im working on right at this moment and needs to be finished very very soon. What is it? Oh well you'll find out very very soon, kind patrons. You'll find out very soon.

Where The Wild Things Wank
I'd like to ask you a question, Hollywood. Whats with the furry films? We've got Avatar with its giant blue furries and then we've got Where The Wild Things Are with its literal furry monstrosities running around with a small child. Sounds like the start of some tremendously bad news story to me but nope. Now you'll have to forgive my ignorance about this but I don't really know what the fuck this film is about - All I know is that the posters I kept seeing every cunting day on my way to uni pissed me off highly and made me feel a bit sickly. Why sickly? Well just because they were fucking horrid. The poster was just character posters of these furry monstrosities. These;

You seriously cant comprehend how fucking scary it is when walking out of New Street at half 8 in the morning, yawning and then being presented with that thing in your face. So alright lets take a look at the plot on wiki. A kid dresses up as a wolf and bites his mom at a meal with her new boyfriend. He runs away because she yells at him and goes into a small boat and goes off into an island full of furry creatures. Wait. The little kid is dressed as a wolf? With a fucking tail and everything?! FUCK YOU, FURRY FILMS. It seriously is as if a Hollywood guy was sitting in his office one day and was like 'Yknow ripping stuff off the internet has worked really well for music videos, maybe we could do that for film .. Lets just do a google here … oh here we go, furries. This seems like something we could go places with'. Now I cant tell if the film is good or shit but the fact that it looks nice and heartwarming tells me that its spew inducing stuff for me. Also the wiki makes me laugh because it talks about the various shit they released with the film. 'Skateboards with Wild Things as the board graphics' and 'Ugg Where The Wild Things Are Boots'. Yeahhhh cos you're gunna look kick ass down the skate park with a furry on your board. Oh and don't try telling me its not a furry film, one of the tracks on the soundtrack is even called 'Lost Fur'.

Slap The Disabled Mans Meat
We all know what Christmas time means. Food. Lots and lots of food all over the place. Thats fine by me, I fucking love food [as we can tell from looking at moi] But I don't know how I would feel about being attacked with said food. Well someone from over in Florida has had to suffer the brunt of being attacked with food. What food? A raw steak. Oof. Thats Gotsa Hurts. So lets go through the story. This woman hit her boyfriend, her boyfriend is disabled. It doesn't say what sort of disability he has but im going to assume its a mental disability because of how she tried to justify what she did. Anyway why exactly did she hit him with her meat? Well during dinner he refused a piece of sliced bread and said that he wanted a bread roll. So wanting a roll = she hits him over the face with a raw steak. Lovely? I mean what the fuck is her problem? Did a roll rape her once when she was a teenager? Note shes 53. Thats not how a 53 year old is supposed to react to the want of rolls. What was her justification for the meat slap? 'So that could learn'. LEARN WHAT?! LEARN THAT ROLLS ARE THE DEVIL? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU WOMAN. Apparently she was his live in girlfriend and she has now been charged with abuse of a disabled adult. I didn't even know one could be charged with such a thing - thats something im sure we've all learnt today kids. There is a meme that I remember when I think about this story.

HOW CAN SHE SLAP? Oh Indian TV.

You and Your Disregard For Womens Rights

-micster x

Thought of the Day [21.12.2009]

2009-12-21T20:59:46Z

[21.12.2009]

Winter Mornings and IMDB Dreams
You know I really wasn't lying the other day: This really is the most wonderful time of year. See I love the winter mornings. Waking up in a nice warm bed, rolling around all nice and snug, and then getting out of bed into the cold. FUCK. Well alright im gunna say what happened this morning cos it went from MMmmmmmmmm cozy to ARGH FUCK COLD in about 9 nanoseconds. So I woke up from my slumber and managed to plug in my mac from my bed. Win. Then I got my duvet around me and turned the Mac on. So I sat there getting increasingly colder and then my Mac said it couldn't connect to my network. BALLS, my router wasn't on. So I had to go all the way downstairs to plug it in. That was cold. So net went on, I was getting warmed up a bit again and getting me firefox on and stuff. BUT THEN the phone went off. FFFUUUUCCKCKKKKKCKKK. So once again I had to dive downstairs to answer the phone. It was some guy - Fuck knows who - Saying it was a courtesy call. I don't know what that is but it pissed me off to a high degree. I was now freezing. And I still am. Heatings on, Im dressed, Im in diru hoody but fuck if you could feel my feet and my fingers then you'd turn into icee. Not the good sort either. So to split up this cold spell I shall say what I can remember of the dream I had last night. I don't remember much but I remember that I was desperate to get an IMDB credit for anything. So I was trawling studios and I walked onto some random set in a crowd scene. Anyway I technically was in the film and then I added myself to the IMDB listing for it. But then the studios were like WTF FUCK OFF and tried to delete me so I ended up suing them? I have no idea. My mind was just in overdrive. I just kept remembering that I was determined to get an IMDB credit no matter what. I mean thats somewhat similar to me - I really really want an IMDB credit but I wouldn't trawl studios to get in. Also I wouldn't bloody act in something. I cant act for shit. But im pretty sure I know exactly why I was having a dream like that.

Ed Wood [1994]
Now if your big into films like me then you might've heard of the writer/director Ed Wood in the past. He did films in the 50's which are classed as some of the worst films ever made and he himself was classed as the worst director ever. The depressing thing is I think im quite like him but more on that later. Now the film, Ed Wood, from 1994 comes to us from Tim Burton. Its a factual reconstruction of the life of Ed Wood from his first picture up to the now infamous Plan 9 From Outer Space. This film blew my mind completely. Not because of its fantastic direction or its hauntingly fantastic portrayal of Ed Wood by Depp, but more because of how its amazing to think that this stuff actually happened. I mean the Hollywood system must've been so amazing back then - Being told to script a film in 3 days then be ready to shoot it all in 4 days a week later. I would love to have that sort of freedom to just get a small budget to do something like that. The film is just really really funny and again you have to remember that it happened. Ed coming out and saying how he liked wearing womens clothing, turning up to set one day in womens clothes and trying to be taken seriously, getting his whole cast baptised just to get a budget from a church to make his film. The passion Ed had for his films is just fantastic - Even though now his films are laughed at and we class them as awful, he thought they were his own masterpieces. He was a visionary and even when he got criticism he still wrote and he still tried to film what he wanted. When thinking of similarities to me then it'd be how I would write crap like he did and think it was great and even down to filming style - he was exceedingly quick. He would usually do one take only, even if something messed up such as the set moving. Anyone who has worked with me would know thats what I often do. Do one take, move on. Its the spontaneousness of it all that I love. Anyway take a look at the trailer - It'll show you how fantastic this film really is moreso than me tongue bathing it all night long.

I don't know if it would have the same effect on you that it did for me, but the film was just so powerful - I love it. I seriously need to buy it asap. Also the thing thats amazing is how the actors look like the real actors from the real films. I mean seriously - I watched clips of Plan 9 straight afterwards and it was pretty much indistinguishable. Completely amazing stuff.

Slipper Advice For The Frail and Decrepit
Being patronising isn't the best thing to do on a regular basis. Sure its fun on occasions but when you do it to a wide group of people in such a way it can backfire on you big time. As Warwickshire Council has found out. For you see they had set up a scheme for the over 50s which has been said to be patronising and a waste of tax payers moneys. I wonder what it is. The scheme is to give advice on how to wear slippers safely. WAIT, WHAT? Yes. Warwickshire decided to make a scheme to teach the over 50's on how to wear slippers properly. Advice on how t don them and avoid accidents around the home. Now I don't know about you but not all over 50's are complete idiots - My mom is over 50 and she knows how to use slippers and doesn't need a condescending twat to come and show her how. Now you might be saying that it might be a good scheme for people who are like 70 onwards but is it really something that really needs to be happening? I mean I think old people have been coping with wearing slippers fine so far. Oh and it doesn't stop there - they also offer another service. For a fiver you get a new pair of slippers so you can replace your old ripped and damaged ones. WHY. I know its winter but why the fuck is this service even happening. What did we all just suddenly forget how to use slippers from last year? Old people arnt as stupid as you think they are. I mean what sort of service are we going to get next? Advice on how to wear Santa hats? Detailed guidelines on how to use a door knob to open your living room door? I think though some of these mad ideas could work. I mean imagine the sort of lecture that someone would have to give for the service entitled 'How to put socks on'. I don't think anyone over the age of 9 would need that service unless they had mental issues. Who knows though, maybe im just being a massive prick and this service has helped out many people who were in need of knowing how to put slippers on there feet. But then again surely the advice should be free, or are you expecting people to use their pensions to get your poxy advice.

You Massive Bigotry Enjoyment Fuckers

-micster x

Thought of the Day [20.12.2009]

2009-12-20T20:59:46Z

[20.12.2009]

Ponderance and the Poster Misfortune
Ahhhh. Even though my break has only been going on for a couple of days, I have already been thinking and plotting many a thing. Now we know ive got a script project happening at the moment that im working on but im also wanting to return to many other projects. See now im unbanned on that forum im speaking to people i was good friends with and remembering all this epic stuff that happened. See back in the day I wrote a ~75 page script called 'Baa: The Movie'. I re-read it last night and it might possibly the most epic thing that was ever written by anyone ever. It was so fucking funny and random. In short it was about a sheep shagger who ended up turning into a sheep. I cant describe how awesome bits of it are. But anyway along with that I also had started another project - Neko, Neko, NEKO! The premise was so fucking insane it was awesome. I found the poster I had mocked up for it last night and it was just so much win. The tagline: 'Catboys Make People Do The Strangest Things' should tell you how awesome it potentially is. So yeah I think I might start Neko, Neko, NEKO! again. I mean I had only wrote 7 pages before so im sure I can do a lot with it. And hell, its practise for uni right? RIGHT?! The final bit of ponderance I had done was about Christmas Eve's Thoughtings and thusly I cant go into detail for obvious reasons (; So allow me to completely change the subject to something that happened yesterday that cocking pissed me off. So there I was sitting at me desk typing away and then suddenly one of my Hayley posters comes off the wall and floats over to me. Weird. So I go and shove it back on the wall and its high up so I cant push it down as well as usual. So I sit back down and BOOM it falls again. Does it float over to me this time though? Oh no. It falls down the back of my shelving units. Meaning I am never ever gonna beable to get that cocking poster back. Which is annoying because now ive got a massive hole where it used to be. Maybe I could risk getting it back but knowing me I'd have about a million DVD's fall on me. And theres no way im gonna go to hospital before christmas. Death By DVDs Is Possible, People.

The Avatar Circle Jerk
So Avatar has come out in cinemas and predictably film snobs across the land are allowing James Cameron to wank all over their respective faces. Now im somewhat a film snob - I mean don't get me wrong I love brainless films as you probably know through my love of Onechanbara. But im still somewhat snobby. I just take enjoyment out of various shit. But I don't know if I'd get entertainment from Avatar. See now ive not watched Avatar and I don't think I will unless it gets shown at the IMAX for months. See this is what im getting from all of the reviews for it - Its an amazing film in the sense that the CG looks amazing and its a really amazing experience in 3D and in IMAX. But the thing is you cant have a great film just down to 3D stuff - You need to have an actually good plot. Anyone who couldnt work out the plot to Avatar from hearing a two sentence synopsis of the film probably has trouble putting on trousers in the morning and gets confused by how spoons work. The plot is obvious and its something we've all seen before. Does that make it bad? No - Lots of films have obvious straight plots and are still great. But the thing is with Avatar, people are saying that it goes nowhere. Its exactly as you predict it to be and the only new thing is all this technology. And I can see where people are coming from. Who knows, if its still on the Birmingham IMAX in my uni building in January then I might go watch it and see that im totally wrong - But im just wondering how James Cameron, the man who gave us Terminator and Terminator 2, fucked up and made a film about blue furries. So to finish this off im going to show you one of the best videos ive ever seen on Youtube. Seriously this is just one of the best things ever made and uploaded. I laughed a LOT.

I don't suppose the tagline 'So Generic, Even Team America Is Similar' would fly with James Cameron would it.

Naked Lesbian Teachers
I hate to wonder what sort of twitterbots my account will attract by using that headline but, just like ronseal, this is exactly what it says on the tin. So over in Brooklyn there were two 'Romance Language Instructors' what does that mean? I have no fucking idea. But it seems they were getting to know the romance of luurve. For they were spotted by a male janitor naked in a classroom getting a bit BUSAYYYY. So let me talk to all the males reading this. If your a janitor and two, quite attractive, female teachers are getting busy in a classroom what would you do. Stand and watch? Get your cameraphone out? Well I know what no normal person would do in this situation: Go and report the hot lesbian sex to security to get the lesbians kicked out. YES REALLY. I don't know what the fuck he was thinking of but this guy literally reported the teachers for doing the business in the school. WHY? DO YOU HATE LESBIANS GOOD SIR? ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT? Now ive gotta think of my old school here - If this had happened at all then the caretaker would've stood there and beckoned more people to come and watch. Maybe its because its america, I thought, but its Brooklyn for fucks sake! Thats a common place full of common people! I think we all know what now has to be done in this situation. The teachers shouldnt get fired, for one. They should be teaching lesbian education with demonstrations to the teens. The janitor should be fired or forced to clear shit blockages with his bare hand. MTV should then come to the school and film a new reality TV show: Licked The Pink, at the school which is about the lesbians giving Lesbian Lectures. Then everyone could enjoy the temporary fame and money and let the kids learn fuck all and get no education. Oh wait. I suppose thats the problem in my plan isn't it. Ah well the kids are from Brooklyn, its not like they've even got a future anyway.

Its What The Films Tell Me!

-micster x

Thought of the Day [19.12.2009]

2009-12-19T20:59:49Z

[19.12.2009]

Snow, Log Fires and Machine Gun Blasts
What does Christmas mean to you? Well, alright, more what does the lead up to Christmas mean to you. See for a lot of people its doing the tree, writing cards, wrapping presents, having a nice hot chocolate infront of the fire after a day of being out in the cold. But for me its completely different. Different how? Well thinking about what ive actually done today it dissolves down into playing Free For All on MW2 and pwning a LOT and unlocking a helll of a lot of stuff. Seriously I was on non literal fire. See whilst it spits of rain and snow outside im inside an airport shooting people and calling in bombs. Thats just how I roll, baby. But really though thats just what I do. I mean this is my mentality - I don't do the Christmas cooking or anything so I can just sit back and relax. What do you mean pretending to be a terrorist isn't relaxing. You lying bastard. See the fact that all I did today was play MW2 didn't really give me much material to say in this bit today. So I went and did something christmassy. I did a few artfaggy pictures of my tree. That failed hard. See I wish I had a proper camera. I mean I'd love a DSLR but even a proper non phone camera would be better. So two of the shots were alright so I took them into the edit. Seriously the changes that were made was just immense. It turned horrid looking blad pictures into … Well into a Purple Wonderland.

I would personally give you an award if you could tell what the fuck was going on in the first one. Its like the reef sorta thing on top of the tree. But then I lifted the levels and went purple mad. A bit like that girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory went. Apart from ive not puffed up. Yet.

World Behind My Wank
Now you knows I loves my Tokio Hotel. If you don't then NOW YOU KNOW. So when I read the other day that there new video was going to go online I was ecstatic. I was so excited to see it. But I saw that it was for the next single - World Behind My Wall. Now this confused me. Don't get me wrong, its a decent track but its not single material at all. Hell they performed it at the EMA's and it sounded like shit. Its not the sort of song you'd release to get popularity and sales, really. I mean why not release Human Connect To Human or Dark Side of the Sun as a single? They are kick ass songs. But whatever, im sure the sexy german bastards have there own reasons for doing so. But I was still somewhat excited because it meant new footage of my Billeth. So I waited for the video to arrive and BOOM it was on my screen. The fact that I used the headline 'World Behind My Wank', do you think I thought the video was any good? Take a wild guess and then watch it for yourselves to confirm your guess.

What the shit was that shit. So its them not looking that great performing a song that isn't that great of a song from the album and then interspersed with backstage footage of them fucking about. THAT IS BULLSHIT. I have had an idea for a video to World Behind My Wall for a long long time. Hell many days when its popped on my iPod when walking to uni ive been mentally directing a video to it. It was a lot better than that shite. I wont go in detail but it involved Bill on one side of a long wall - his side is all grotty and the rest are on the other side of the wall performing and there side is all nice and cheery. Anyway the video has Bill trying to get around or over the wall and it has the lovely ending of him finally managing to push one brick through and sticking his arm out trying to feel the embrace of the happier side of the wall. A la that bit in Oldboy when Oh Dae Su finally manages to push a wall out and feel outside of his room for the first time in 14 years. No I don't see why ive not been hired by anyone to make a video for them yet either.

Have a Meowy Christmas Cat
Another Christmas related thing? Well yes but thats because im saving one of the articles until Christmas Eve and there is a key date in this article that needs to be adhered too. SO! Over in Japan they have a cat station master at the Kishi Station of the Wakayama Railway. Why do they have a cat as a station master? I don't know. Surely in an emergency he'd be fucking shit and probably go to sleep or eat a mouse - but who knows. Maybe he has gone though the necessary exams to become a station master. Anyway the people over at the station obviously thought it'd be cute to dress the cat up in a santa outfit. And you know what? The fuckers were 100% right. This is cuuute.

I mean yes he obviously hated having it put on and really looks pissed off but DAWWW LOOKIE AT THE KITTY IN HUMANS CLOTHES. Wish I had a cat. I wouldn't dress em up as Santa but i'd probably try to teach it to sing and then send it out carolling to earn some moneys. Anyway yes I said about a key date - Tama is only going to be in the santa outfit until Christmas Day itself. So if you want to travel all the way to Japan to see a kitty then you best leave pretty soonish because if you leave it any longer then you wont beable to see it ever again [Until Christmas 2010 though I am presuming]. See this is what Christmas should be about. Fuck the Fakery of Jesus, Fuck material gifts, Fuck the Turkey.

Christmas Is For Cats In Costumes

-micster x

Thought of the Day [18.12.2009]

2009-12-18T20:59:50Z

[18.12.2009]

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Holy shit people. This time next week its going to be fucking Christmas Day. As in. Christmas. CHRISTMAS. HOW THE HELL HAS IT SNOOK UP SO FAST. Ive not really been in the christmassy mood even though ive been having to walk through about a billion christmas trees at uni for a while now. But today im just like CHRISSSMTTMASSS. So I didn't bother going to uni meaning I had a nice lie in. So what made me feel like Christmas? Well for one when I did wake up and go downstairs my mom had already done the christmas tree downstairs. This is probably, ooh, the third time ive not been involved with it. But its not just because of how the tree is up. Oh no. Today was my day to chillax and wrap everyones presents. Now to say that im not that good at wrapping presents is a bit of an understatement. But to be honest I think ive managed to do a good job with them this year. I suppose its turned out alright because theres no odd shaped things or anything like that. I was thinking I was going to run out of gold paper at one point. And then I did. But I had a CUNNING PLAN. Basically I felt as epic as Rowan Atkinson wrapping that present in Love Actually. I would like to embed the video but EVERY SINGLE ONE says embedding disabled due to request. So you'll just have to click this link wont you. I quite like Love Actually, tbh. Its a nice film. Yes my vagina is growing very nicely, thanks for asking. Anyway its just nice now sitting here with a drink, with the heating on, looking out on a wintery evening. Now I have finished uni till January 11th I can just relax, get back to my scripts and wait for the big day. I fucking love christmas because ive pretty much got no idea whatsoever on what im actually going to get. Well alright money from my aunt but I will be glad for that so I can get new camera. I need a hot chocolate stat to make this feeling perfect. Well alright and a woman but I can get a hot chocolate by walking into my kitchen and putting a kettle on - Making a woman isn't that easy. Yet.

Australia and the Chinese Ambition
I dont particularly like Australia. I dont know if you knew that but if you didnt then there ye go. Many many pricks seem to come out of that country and I think now I can see why. It all comes down to the government from over there. Now its known now that the Australian government is retarded when it comes down to the censorship in games. The highest level of certification for games over in Australia is 15+. Literally thats it. So any game that would be more than that gets an immediate banning. So the new Alien vs Predator game has been banned over there, for example. [Actually I wrote this yesterday and now the Australian board have decided to release it uncut at MA 15+. How nice of them] Hell even Left 4 Dead 2 got banned until Valve pussified the game by removing all the gore and had the bodies disappear after they were deaded. Basically Australia hates anything thats good. How is this even more obvious now? Because Australia wants to put blocks on the internet for the whole country. Im not joking and im not even making it sound worse than it is - They literally have a list of various sites that they dont want Australians to be able to see. Basically what Australia is doing is what China does. Over in China the internet has strict blocks upon it. For example; Google image tiananmen square. You'll see the iconic image of the guy standing up to the tanks. Then do the same search in Google China. What do you see. I dont see Mr. Tank Man. Thats because its been glossed over by China's censorship. But lets get back to whats happening in Australia. Because Games have no 18+ rating it means that what they deem to be worse than a 15+ website is going to get blocked off. What happens if you try to access the site and your in Australia? The government will literally CHARGE you MONEYS because of what you did. Now I can sort of see what Australia was doing here when you read what the key things they wanted to achieve were. They want to stop access to sites with abuse to women and kids and yknow all the pedo stuff that should, in a perfect world, be banned. But of course Australia had to go too far. Because then they went BAN CRAZAY. Various sites such as sites about Australian Politics and Politians have been banned. Parts of Wikipedia banned. Hell even legal straight and gay porn sites have been shoved in this list of banned stuff. The list was leaked out a few months ago and can be seen on wikileaks. But the thing is, will this madcap idea ever be implemented into Australia's internets. I reckon it might for like a week but it'll cause too much anarchy. Then again it'd be hard to do that - You'd have to do it via phone. Im sure if you created a Facebook event saying 'MASSIVE VIOLENT PROTEST AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT' then it'd get shoved on the block list before you can say G'day Mate. It'll be a sad day though if this idiotic idea does actually come into fruition. I mean it'll be nice to have less Australians on the net but also it means other countries might attempt a similar system, albeit it not as forceful or retarded. Because at the end of the day this is whats going to happen: Big Brother is going to watch you watching streaming porn. And all he's wearing is a hat with corks.

Tit Flash, Car Crash
I think we should all be given tests to see how retarded we are. If we score a certain amount then we are deemed not a complete cretin and get to live - But if we score under that marker then WHOOPS, LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL HAVE TO COMMIT HARA KIRI. See this world is a small place and we cant keep letting it get filled up with such morons. See when I read this article about what this 18 year old did I laughed, raged and wanted CCTV images all in the same thought. It was over in New Zealand so we already know shes not worth anything. But what exactly could she have done to provoke such a mixed reaction from me. Well after she'd been drinking with friends they thought it'd be hilarious if she stood in the centre line of a road and flashed her tits to all the drivers driving past. She did it too a couple of cars but it was obviously SOOO funny she was convinced to do it again. I wonder how many of the friends she was with were guys, hmmmm? Well anyway she went back into the centre line and flashed a guy in a car. The guy in the car got distracted by her tattybojangles, He drove straight towards her and didn't react to move. So what happened? Well she got hit by the cars windscreen, of course. So whats her message to the yoof of New Zealand. 'Don't be stupid, don't get drunk and stand in the middle of the road and flash anyone' Well no fucking shit you stupid bitch - What are you going to say next, that getting hit by a car hurts? 'cause it hurts when you get hit.' YOOOU FUCKING IDIOT. Kids should know that flashing tits and getting hit by a car arnt very clever things. If they don't then they should just get back to fucking sheep then, shouldn't they. See now under my reich I don't know what I'd do with this person. Because whilst its obvious shes a retard and needs her stomach gutting out, But at the same time she is quite obviously very easy in bed. So that means shes probably got some form of diseased vagina too though.

Fuck It: Pass Her The Knife and Get It Over With

-micster x

Thought of the Day [17.12.2009]

2009-12-17T20:59:46Z

[17.12.2009]

It Was The Worst Of Days, It Was The Best Of Days
Today has been so fucking awful and then, at the same time, several things have happened which have been so good I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore. What I do know is that im definitely not going to uni tomorrow. But lets go from the top of this hellish/heavenly day and see why its been so fucking awful/awesome. So this morning I got up and I went on down to the bus stop. People were waiting. I waited with them too. For how long? 17 minutes. Then a bus finally came! Hooray! WAIT. WHERES IT GOING?! FUCK. It went past us all because there was too many people on it. FFFFFFFFFUCK. So another wait happened and a bus came and I got on it. Then we hit a LOT of traffic. Like seriously, so much. So I only just managed to get the 59 train. I had to run all the way from the bus station. Fucked up shit. So I sat down on the train and it was about to go but then a family came on. And sat all around me. It was awful. Kids sitting next to me talking shit. I was just so stressed. But you know what solved that? BATMAN BEGINS SOUNDTRACK. Seriously it makes you feel epic. When I was leaving New Street and the soundtrack was still going on I felt like I was the batman. Fucking awesome. Anyway I got there two minutes late. So in Design and Graphics we got our graphics mark for the portfolio. I got 70%. I am very very happy and pleased with that. Anyway after that I went off shopping. I cant really talk about shopping but it went VERY VERY well. So I got back and after a while it seemed really dark and gloomy outside. So I looked and then BOOM - SNOW. LOADS OF SNOW COMING DOWN. It was awesome to watch. So then we had content and it was alright and then the content tutorial was awesome. Like it was seriously awesome cos all we were doing was editing something with footage we had been given. I turned to Jawad and said 'See. This is what I came here for.'. Also during the tutorial she gave us the mark for our Screen Studies presentation. What did I get? 72%. Very Very fucking happy with that. So I left uni really late and what do you think happened? Well the train was delayed but that doesn't even matter because the bus I would've got anyway was delayed too. But oh the train. To cut a long story short - I had to poo on the train. It smelt a LOT. Anyway. Busses.The 55 bus didn't get to the bus stop till 7:23. WHAT THE FUCK. He said it was because it broke down but bullshit was it. He was probably jerking off for almost half a cocking hour. So yay I got the bus back but FUCK I had to wait a long time in the freezing cold. Like seriously it was freezing. So when I finally got off the bus this guy who apparently knew me when I was a kid talked to me about stuff. That was nice. So I got home and I checked myspace [I check like twice a dayish] and I got a message from a guy I knew on a forum. A forum I used to love. What was the message? I got unbanned from there. Fucking awesome. So yes because of all the stresses today I shall be not going to uni tomorrow. Shit lab + Lecture without my lecturer = Fuck it. I'll spend a day wrapping up peoples presents and doing various shit. To be honest it should be a lot calmer than today was. Maybe. Im sure it could be more stressful. I mean the stuff I bought could, theoretically, turn into giant dinosaurs.

Its Unlikely But You Never Cocking Know

-micster x

Thought of the Day [16.12.2009]

2009-12-16T20:59:46Z

[16.12.2009]

Thou Does Not Belongeth Here Anymore
Today has been a long fucking day. Guess when I ate lunch. Go on. Guess. 3:30PM. WHAT THE FUCK. Half 3 isn't the time to be eating cocking lunch! Half 3 is the time I usually spend writing this bloody thing. But whatever. Lets get talking about my long long day. So I got up as usual and left and got on my bus. Normal stuff, yes? Welll then I got on the 59 train. I just couldn't be fucked waiting around for the 10 past. So I got to uni early. Like seriously it was early. Hardly anyone turned up to our lecture. I have to wonder why the fuck anyone actually bothers with that piece of shit. I do not know. Anyway then I got back to Wolvo and saw my sisters boyfriend at the station - Tis his birthday today so much happy birthdayness to him. Its MANY peoples birthdays today. March 16th was obviously National Have Unprotected Sex Day. Anyway I then headed off to the post office to post something. I do not like the post office. Its fucking depressing. Especially with the massive queue. And how long did it take for my request to be sorted? Like less than a minute. Fook. Anyway then I headed on over to meet Nisha. Why? Cos we were going back to my old school to tell staff about the various peoples who were coming to the presentation evening. So we got there and we were just like standing in the reception for a long long time. Oh but that was after we had like the worst bus journey ever. We had to stand all the way and the bus was way over the limit of people. Oh and an old woman who was tripping and trying to hang onto railings ended up touching my crotch and pushed past. Thats not something I really wanted to happen in my life time. Anyway so we waited in reception for a long time but then our old headmaster let us in. Anyway it was so shit. Like seriously the school was just as crap as it always had been. And twas boring cos no one was about. Not even wob! Wob better fucking come to our presentation evening. Anyway it was a long long day trying to see people and pretty much failing. Oh and then I remember tomorrow is a Thursday. Fucking Fucking Fuck.

Video Day!
But hay tomorrow maybe Thursday but today is the prestigious Video Day. So lets get started with the awesome shite that has come into my eyes this week. As usual first up today is the new Nostalgia Critic. Bit of a weird one today cos it was a top 11 of Christmas Specials which he didn't mention in his top 12 last Christmas. Fuck ive been watching the NC for over a year. How did that happen. Anyway the fact it mentions Blackadder makes it immediately awesomes. [Thatguywiththeglasses.com] Also on TGWTG from the man behind the NC we has the newest Bum Review. Whats the film he's taking a look at this week? The Princess and the Frog. I don't know much about the film really but it sounds like crap to me (Y). Next we has a double ejaculatory sploogefest from good ol' Spoony. Firstly we have the second episode of the massively hilarious Spooning With Spoony. Fuck that video was so funny I cant even explain. You just NEED to watch that video. I don't care when but you NEED to see it. Would it help if I said a half naked Nostalgia Critic stars in it? Thought so. [spoonyexperiment.com]. Also from Spoony and on The Spoony Experiment is a video with sage. A review of a strange anime mashup - Space Thunder Kids. Very funny, Very strange, Very awesome. A video of bloopers from the filming can also been seen on Sage's page at TGWTG. But lets leave TGWTG now and kick into drive with this weeks Zero Punctuation. This weeks hilarity came in the form of Demon's Souls. Ive heard about this game being an epic win but as Yahtzee shows its more of an epic headache. To say the review is fucking excellent is just an understatement extraordinaire. Its awesome, Go watch it now. I said now! [escapistmagazine.com]. Also over at The Escapist is the new Unskippable. I was really looking forward to it because it was a riff of the fantastically awesome Zone of the Enders. But it wasn't funny. Hell it wasn't even witty. Avoid like Barrymore's Pool.

The Idiocy of Rock Band
You know what? Fuck Rock Band. Now I have never played Rock Band because im a Guitar Hero guy but yknow Guitar Hero can fuck off too. See this is what companies need to actually learn: We like products when they come out and are refreshed when after a while a new version comes out. WE DO NOT NEEDS YOU SHOVING NEW THINGS IN OUR FACE REPEATEDLY. Do you know when the first Guitar Hero game came out? November 2005. Since then 12 fucking games has come out. TWELVE?! ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?! Thats too fucking many in too little time. Especially when you see that they've done a few artist specific bullshit things too. Guitar Hero: Van Halen? Really? Is this something we need to exist? Of course Rock Band isn't much fucking better. 4 main Rock Band games have come out since Rock Band's birth in 2007 and they've also released SIX disks of 'Track Packs'. Why? MONEY MONEY. So you see they've announced yet another band specific version of Rock Band. When I read about it I wanted to take a hammer and kill whoever came up with the idea repeatedly in the head Oldboy style. I cant believe this thing is existing and that im talking about it. Do you know what it is? Rock Band: Green Day. FUCK OFF. I mean for fucks sake if your going to have someone as shit as cunting Green Day get there own spin off title then where the fuck is Rock Band: The Rasmus? I mean they're on the same level as 'rock' and shitness. No but calling Green Day an influential rock band to get this spin off title is fucking ridiculous. People ask me why I prefer Guitar Hero and there is a fucking good answer for you - You look at the spin offs to Guitar Hero, They are actual fucking rock artists. Not these pop punk eyeliner wearing cunts who sold out a long long time ago.

CAN YOU GUESS THAT I DONT LIKE GREEN DAY?

-micster x

Thought of the Day [15.12.2009]

2009-12-15T20:59:47Z

[15.12.2009]

Killing In The Name of Joe McElderry
Ah yes so The X Factor is done and finished with for yet another year. The winner being flat voiced, rumoured to be gay, Joe. I didn't really like him. His voice just never went anywhere for me. Oh and he looks like a shark. Seriously look at him when he smiles. He looks like a fucking shark. Also it was very fucking obvious him and Cheryl were fucking // wanting to fuck. I mean fuck on Saturday he even had his head in her tits. But then again we cant blame him for that can we. I know I'd fucking give that a go. So X Factor winner is almost inevitably always going to get the Christmas number 1 - Which is fucking bullshit. Back when I were a lad we had stuff like the Tellytubbies and Mr Blobby as the Christmas number one. Some real awesome cheesy stuff which went in with the Campness of Christmas. But no. Now we have all of this Hallelujah and covers of Miley Cyrus bullshit. Which is why I need to come out here and give my major props to the campaign that is currently on going. If you don't know what campaign im talking about then I shall take much pleasure in telling you. So because people are pissed off at this stuff they have grouped together in buying downloads of Rage Against The Machine's Killing in the Name Of. This plan is fucking awesome. Currently the song is sitting on number two on the iTunes chart behind Joe's crap. But Chart track have said that the single is actually number one in the whole chart at the moment. That is fucking awesome. I mean just imagine on the Christmas special of Top of the Pops them having to play Killing in the Name Of. That'd be epic. But I don't want to bring peoples hopes down but it is probably going to fail. See Joe's single hasnt come out on CD yet. Thats going to happen tomorrow. So once the actual physical CD is out then whoosh - He's gonna get a LOT of sales and RATM is going to remain at number two. But still that is fucking damn impressive. I mean in years to come we'll see that 2009 was the year us with normal tastes [arguably] gave it a go and got a lot of exposure for doing so. But fuck I wish it could get to number one. I don't know what I'd do if it did. It'd probably involve my penis though.

Text Dating Advertisement Abominations
Now if you're like me then you're a single, long haired, strange music obsessive, freak. But also in that criteria is watches a lot of late night TV. Now I love watching TV at night. Constant repeats of Mock The Week on Dave and constant repeats of Jackass on Viva. But the problem of watching TV at like 1/2am is that you see many desperate adverts. See no one wants to actually buy advertising space at those times so the only people who do so are crap companies who do shit things. What is one of the most popular of these crap companies? Text Dating of course! Because 160 letters is enough to find yourself a girl you haven't even physically seen, right? RIGHT?! Now if these text services just existed and I never knew about them then fine. Shit service to hook up lonely ugly guys to lonely over 30s women can exist without me knowing [Actually why am I hating on a service that tries hooking up lonely ugly guys with people - surely I should be all over this shit] Oh and of course it costs money. How much? A LOT. Seriously the charges are like £1.50 a pop or something like that. I don't even know how the shit works but if I was hired by a newspaper and given money then i'd definitely give it a go. Whats the worst that could happen? [Me getting raped I suppose] But the thing that really pisses me off about these services are the adverts. You see them all the time. Attractiveish women in hot tubs and bouncing around in bikinis with phones. And if you find ANYONE on the service who looks 1% as good as them then you're a fucking liar. You may be wondering why im talking about them now when they've been around for a long long time. Its cos of the one I saw the other night. I managed to grab a screenshot. Not a great one but still I grabbed one.

This advert was the biggest shit fest I had ever seen. You had women bouncing around in Christmas Bikini's in front of a CG snow background and a reindeer in the foreground. Now stare into that reindeer's eyes. He looks fucking depressed. Then again so would I if I was behind this shit. I mean as a director I can only imagine it would go like this; 'We want you to film an advert' Alright. 'Its got a couple of hot ladies in bikinis' oh sweet awesome. 'So we'll take you down to a virtual blue screen studio…' wait what? 'Mmm? Oh and you'll have to incorporate phones and reindeers somehow' What is this thing? 'Text dating. Soul Crushing, Penis Teasing, Text Dating'.

The Pedo Mouse
Because im ill in the head im wondering if animals could be pedos. I mean think about it - We are animals and we have human pedos. So is there like monkey pedos or tiger pedos? I reckon if there was monkey pedos then it'd probably be dealt with a lot better than how we deal with them. The monkey'd be dead before it could even touch the chimp's poop hole. So im wondering what other animals would do this stuff. My guess is on mice. Yeah you know mice. Running around in your walls looking at you whilst you sleep. Yeahh you think the only thing they eat is cheese? COCK CHEESE MAYBE. Besides I have proof that mice are pedos. Well Christmas Toy Mice anyway. See places have been selling a cheap tatty mouse dressed in a santa hat. When you squeeze its belly it sings Jingle Bells. Dawwwwww. Well there was a bit of a problem there. See mice have squeaky voices, yes? So they make the recording higher. But this in turn speeded it up. So when one mother bought it and squeezed it the mouse piped up and shouted PEDOPHILE, PEDOPHILE! Obviously all mice have to say that they like kids before being bought into a home. Anyway the distributors have no balls and have recalled the mouse from sale even though it was just an accident. See this is what I hate about england, this quote right here; 'We have recalled them now just in case anybody might take offence'. FUCK OFF. If someone takes offence to a toy mouse saying pedophile then they should just not buy the fucking thing and ignore it. Fucking censorship. If a mouse dressed as santa wants to proclaim the fact that its a pedo then let it. They've been going on sale on ebay and now ive seen a picture of it I can definitely believe that mice can be pedos.

That is one of the scariest things ive ever seen. It doesn't even look like a fucking mouse. I mean seriously what the hell is with its ears. Is it a cross between Gary Lineker and a mutant mouse? Maybe the mouse touched Gary when he was a lad.

Mutant Mice: Protect Your Children Today

-micster x

Thought of the Day [14.12.2009]

2009-12-14T20:59:46Z

[14.12.2009]

2009: A Standing Odyssey
LAST WEEK OF UNI BEFORE CHRISTMAS WHOOOOT. Hopefully this week goes very fast so I can sleep for long periods of time and write various scriptures. Seriously my ideas for scripts are overloading at the moment. I need to try writing some of them. But enough about his - Lets get talking about today shall we. Well lets talk about like 2/3am first. Im woken up to my L Change The WorLd poster falling off my wall. NYET GUT. So when I woke up I put it back up on my wall which was a very stupid thing seeing how my ankles were still feeling like they wanted to die. Anyway 10 minutes later the fucking thing fell down again. So I left the house with my green laced shoes on. Why them? Well so they could support my ankles and make sure the bones didn't simply come apart. So I waited for the bus and it arrived. As soon as it stopped the woman driver got out her seat, looked to the passengers and went IS ANYONE SMOKING ON THIS BUS? Now I turned and I saw that everyone on the bus was an old woman. THIS MADE ME LAUGH MUCHLY. Anyway I got to train station early so I grabbed a metro and stood around waiting for the 59 to fuck off. Oh but then my train was late by 3 minutes. WOOO. And then when it did arrive I had no seat. I had to stand in the bit between carriages. Which I preferred to standing in the actual isles. Anyway the metro this morning was serious win. I don't usually read it but im glad I did. Both Oldboy, Snake and Gordan Freeman were in it. Why? WHO CARES! So I got to uni and we all headed on into Screen Studies. It was crap. It was a crap hour lecture and then we watched a film that ive been needing to for a long time. A film that millions of people suck the balls of daily. 2001: A Space Odyssey. IT BORED THE FUCK OUT OF ME. Seriously why the fuck is this overly long piece of shit hailed as genius by so many film fags such as I? Is it because of the effects and the set design? Because they are fucking fantastic, especially as the film is from 1967. BUT amazing effects cant make a film that has no substance and no real plot that makes any fucking sense a great film. It was just. Ugh. Its just awful. I could think of millions of things thats better to watch in the same amount of time. Granted almost 890,000 of those things would be various forms of lesbian porn but stilllll. Also cos of how long the cocking film is it meant I didn't leave till late. So I didn't get home till late. BUT. THIS WAS SITTING THERE FOR ME.

Hurrah im glad I now have it. Also no Royal Mail charges this time: WIN. I do like owning lots of An Cafe stuffs. It makes me feel good. Also this one looks awesome on me shelf too. nomnomnom. But how is the new song on it? Well yeah its good, I can see why it wasnt released as a single back in the day but im just left wondering now if this is just it. In Jan they have their biggest gig ever and then thats it. Hiatus. And I reckon it could be a long long hiatus with no return. I don't want to think that but im pretty sure thats how its going to turn out. As Kunt and the Gang say; I'll have a little wank and i'll have a little cry.

BALLAD
You know I really don't know what happens with Ayumi Hamasaki. She went from being one of the best artists around to then being completely awful and shit. Awful songs, croaky voice and completely cretinously bad videos. Now I posted the video to her new song, you were, tother day. It was a shit video but I like the song somewhat. So I wasn't expecting much from the video to BALLAD. I mean after all, if the title is unoriginal and shit then what is there to be said about the song and the video? Well im going to be completely honest with you here ladies and gentlemen. BALLAD is the best video Ayu has done for a long long long time. Im looking at my shelf and I cant think when there was a video this good. It all comes down to the fact that its Ishii who did the video. He is the guy who has done pretty much every video of hers that is classed as epic. RAINBOW for example. He's the genius who did that. The video actually has a story too. Alright enough of me talking - Watch the video. As a director and a music lover it gave me goosebumps and a massive cinematography hard on simultaneously.

Fucking Amazing. And the song is good too. I think I prefer you were when thinking about the songs but fuck this video is just amazing. Only bad bit about this single thus far is her voice is sounding like ass. But yknow shes an old woman now - At least shes actually doing stuff thats suited to her. Anyway when thinking of this video its just amazing that theres an actual story and it just looks gorgeous. I do have a grievance with it though. The animated cat pulls it down somewhat. I mean it looks quite good but then when you see the cat it just pulls you out of the situation completely. I mean we know its fake but at least we had some belief in it. I don't know. I'd probably say it sullies the effect of the video when it gets to the mega awesome twist at the end. Oh also Ayu's fake crying is shit. We know shes a shit actress but fuck. But what do I know, ey. If I had expendable moneys like I used to then I would definitely buy this single when it comes out. Definitely.

Ukrainian Gum Explosion
The Ukraine is another one of them countries I know fuck all about. But if I believe the story I have red of late then there is some fucking retarded people in that country. What do I mean? Well a chemistry student accidentally killed himself. How? It was gum related. Gum related?! You might be thinking in your minds. Well allow me to expand. So a 25 year old Chemistry student from Northern Ukraine was working away in his room with his parents downstairs. He apparently dipped some chewing gum into 'explosive material' before putting it in his mouth. What happened then? A loud pop was heard from his room. When his parents went into his room they saw that the lower part of his face had been blown off. THATS WHAT I CALL A TASTE EXPLOSION. Anyway apparently he used to dip his gum into citric acid but he accidentally dipped it into a 'similar looking unidentified explosive substance'. See this could be good for terrorists. Its rare that people don't accept gum when offered some by someone they know. So surely if they got to know high profile people and went GUM? then boom. But seriously it must've looked pretty fucking nasty. I mean fuck. It is a horrid thing to happen but surely the retard should've guessed that something like this would happen when he decided its fun to dip gum in acids. Also why the fuck is a 25 year old chemistry student allowed to have explosive substances in his house? Obviously the Ukraine is starting up a nuclear program and this guy was one of their lead people. No but seriously chemicals in bedroom isn't a good thing. I remember a story from when I was young about some girl who had chemicals in her bedroom and when in bed she accidentally drank one of the containers and died. So yes if you have a kid then firstly HOW OLD ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU READING THIS and secondly, don't let them have a chemical set. Unless they are making you some home made drugs. Then you'll just have to take the risk that they arnt retards with it.

Low Cost Drugs Or Your Childs Safety: Choose Wisely, Sirs.

-micster x

Thought of the Day [13.12.2009]

2009-12-13T20:59:46Z

[13.12.2009]

The Two Day Train Station Vending Machine Compendium
WHY HELLO THERE. It always feels strange when I have two days off and then I come back to writing up whats been going on. So last you heard from me was Thursday night when I had finished all my work and I was feeling awesome about it. That seems like a fucking age ago to me. So what was I up to on these past two days you may wonder? Well how about I tell you right here right now. Yes? Yes. Sounds good. Note its going to be lengthy. Especially the stuff about Friday. So just keep on scrolling if your not a hxc reader and just start reading if you see a word that gets your attention. Such as cunnilingus.

The Friday Of Fog and Obese Teenagers
Ah yes the day I had been waiting for unexcitedly for ages. For twas the day that I was to head on off to the NIA to see Paramore live once again. Friday was quite the odd day. I started off at uni early like usual and only me, Jawad and another guy from my course turned up to the Media Tech lecture. Ho yes, that subject is EXCEEDINGLY POPULAR. Anyway then I was going to go off to find where the NIA was cos I didn't really know. I had exited my uni and everything but it was SO foggy I couldn't see anything and it was spitting a bit of a rain. So I thought FUCK IT and I returned into uni to doss on the computers with Jawad. Anyway whilst on that computer I saw the video for BALLAD. BUT MORE ON THAT TOMORROW. Because amazingly ive got exceedingly positive things to say about it. Which is fucking rare. Anyway the Film Industry lecture was short because it was just some guy from fourth who came down and talked about report writing. Which was nice. We finished early so luckily I got home earlier. I didn't have long at home to get ready because I then had to rush out to get a bus and a train. Anyway I got on a 543 and Peanut was on it! So I spoke to him till the station and it was great to catch up with him. Anyway on the train platform I saw about 8 people in Paramore shirts. I WONDER WHERE THEY WERE GOING. So the train turned up and I used the toilet and then got a seat. Now whilst sitting down I was looking at a group of these people who were in the Paramore shirts - There was this one who was really .. 'big', shall we say. When you wear clothes that your fat bulges out off then you know you need to buy bigger clothes. Anyway she went off to the toilet. Then all I knew was this old woman walked down the isle to the toilet. Now of course she surely couldn't have got in because surely the fat girl had locked the door. NOPE. The door to the toilet started to open and the girl was sitting there on the bog. Well done old woman, you gave me a massive laugh. Anyway when at New Street I walked out and tried to find the NIA. I fucked up a bit after coming out of New Street but I got on the right trail eventually. Mostly because of how I just followed people who looked like they actually knew where they were going. So I found the NIA and I started walking to the end of the queue. I walked … and I walked … and I walked. The queue basically took up three sides of the NIA. IT TOOK THE PISS. The queue for standing started mishing in with the queue for seating. It was ridiculous. Anyway I eventually got in and amazingly I got quite close in the crowd. It was awesome. For the whole evening I was actually quite close and I didn't expect it at all. Also I survived the whole night there as well. Only repercussions being dehydrated lips. Before I say how it was I am going to give out a piece of advice to any parents: If you're about 45 then DONT BUY STANDING TICKETS FOR YOUR FUCKING 4 OR 5 YEAR OLD KIDS. THEY CANT SEE SHIT AND I WILL END UP STANDING ON THEM. Buy seating tickets or just don't even go. You whorey looking moron. Anyway. How were the acts. Well I shall tell you my thoughts. Now, Now Every Children sounded quite good actually. Of course that was helped by how they were exceedingly hot. I shall have to check them out because I quite liked. Anyway then Paper Route. When they started I thought they were quite alright really. But then they started doing this weird electric shit. I was like what the fuck and then just got bored of them. Next was You me at Six. Now I'd just like to say that there fans are retards. Stage hands moved the curtain up so there logo was in the background and they went insane as if they had just got on stage. USE YOUR EYES, RETARDS. STAGE HANDS ARE STILL SETTING UP THE COCKING DRUMS. SO SHUT UP YOU 14-17 YEAR OLD SIDE FRINGED CRETINS. Anyway they were mediocre as usually. Also they are lame. they had to actually ask the audience to start circle pits. If the audience doesn't do it automatically and you need to actually ASK them to do so then you fail as a band. No seriously, you do. Anyway then we finally got to the MAIN DISH and Paramore came out. Hayley sounded weird. It was like her voice was one or two octaves higher. Don't know if it was because of the sound system or because my ears had just thought FUCK THIS. Anyway they were good but she just didn't seem to care. She was just singing. There was no empathy behind it. She had basically turned up to sing - Not actually perform and be one with the audience. Whats happened since I first saw you in Jan 2008, Hayley? Oh right. Chad. Also heres something awkward. She said that they were going to perform The Only Exception. Now you'll have to take my word for it but its a very fucking weird feeling when thousands of people are screaming and you're standing on your own going FUCKING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. When I left I really wanted a drink so I went to a vending machine in the NIA and shoved in a £2. It gave it me back and was like EXACT CHANGE ONLY BITCH. Amazingly I didnt have £1.70 in change. Anyway I got back to New Street easily afterwards and used one of those machines. It still asked for change but I had £1.30 in change. Hurrah for drink refreshment on a train platform. I got back to wolvo and waited for the 543 and Peanut was there waiting for it too. So once again we got talking about stuff. Really was great catching up. So yes - The night symbolised my last gig of my year and the fourth [music] gig I went to alone this year. Which was my fave of the year though? Well in Feb there was the Kerrang Relentless Tour which was random. Not just cos it was my first gig on my own - just because it was a very odd thing. It was like bands no one knows or cares about and then HO SHIT DIRU. Then in March I had An Cafe in London in March. Tbh thats probably my fave of the year. I hope a lot of you know what it feels like to see your fave artist live - Especially when they arnt an English Speaking artist. Also when the future of the band is now uncertain. Im very glad I managed to get to see them - That memory'll be safe in my mind for a long long time. Then in June there was Pendulum which was basically rain + mosh. That is a fucking good mix. Do I have any gigs lined up for 2010? No. Wellllll fuck. Find me some, plez.

The Saturday Of Crowds and Broken Ankles
Rarg so straight out of that busy busy Friday I had an earlyish start on the Saturday. Shower and then back up to Birmingham to meet a good friend of mine for some shopping and walking around the Christmas Market et al. So I got to Birmingham at around 3ish and as soon as I got out of New Street I saw a guy from my course. The guy who turned up to the media tech lecture on the Friday actually. Anyway Liam was laaaate. He was on a bus stuck in much traffic. Personally I love how he asked me if Birmingham was busy cos he could see all the traffic. It was then I surveyed the area and saw billions of people walking around the place in massive crowds. Yes, the reply said, yes its exceedingly busy. So I had a bit of a walk around whilst waiting for him and I saw a girl from my course too. Was random. But what was good was I finally managed to get my paws on the MGS2 novel. But what the fuck is going on with the size. For some reason its smaller than my copy of the MGS1 novel. The strange thing is that Waterstones were selling the MGS1 novel in the same smaller size as the MGS2 one was. Its annoyed me a bit cos now it looks a bit crap on my shelf but oh well.

nom the novelisation of my all time favourite game. I wonder if this one'll have cheesy one liners like the first novel did. Anyway after much walking around and waiting Liam turned up. Hurrahh. The day was so fun. We walked around talking, laughing, joking - Yknow the normal stuffs. We went to the German Market which was fucking packed as and saw some damn random stuff. such as a mime artist in front of a bank and a massive polar bear shaped stall. The latter amazed me heavily. I wish I had a polar bear. Anyway it was fun walking around and talking. Especially when a blue haired woman with many piercings and a massive dog came up to us asking if we had spare change. Personally I don't know why she needs to ask anyone because, hello, SHE HAS A MASSIVE DOG. She could just set it on people for money. Maybe her crack filled mind couldn't understand that big dog + threats = success. There was also some success though - I bought a present for a friend of mine. I hope she likes it. Yknow me and my friends never really did the whole present thing so this is a new thing for me somewhat. But buying presents for two good friends of mine is a nice experience. Even if I am running around going OH FUCK WHAT THE COCK AM I GOING TO GET THEM. Also Gamestation sell PS1/Sega/Dreamcast/N64 games?! WTF THATS AWESOME. Anyway after many many hours we called it an evening and I got on the 8:20 train back to wolvo. At wolvo station I used the vending machine to get a drink cos my lips were feeling really bad. And the machine, unlike the one at the NIA and New Street, accepted two pound coins. FINALLY! I thought. So there we go ladies and gentlemen - If you have a two pound coin and really REALLY want a drink then go to Wolverhampton. Finally Wolvo succeeds in something that others fail in. I only remembered on the train home though that it was a Saturday and X Factor was on. Its fucking bullshit that Stacey went. Olly is shit and I don't like Joe. So well done Herr Cowell. You cockmongling cockmongler. When I got home I lied down for a long time. My ankles are fucked from all the walking I did. I mean dayyymn. Hopefully they're better tomorrow. Cos somehow my feet breaking and collapsing in Birmingham doesn't seem like the best plan for a Monday Morning. I mean it could always be worse. My feet could turn into tigers.

But Then I'd Want To Hug My Feet :3

-micster x

Thought of the Day [10.12.2009]

2009-12-10T20:59:46Z

[10.12.2009]

The Thursday of Epic Proportions
The fact that I, of all people, have had a fuck awesome day should tell you that it was definitely a fantastic day. See it was most probably the best Thursday since ive started uni ever. Whyy? Most probably because of how its not been the usual stress ball of work and early rising it usually is. See because of how the second half of the Design and Graphics class was doing there presentations today, it meant I could get a nice lie in. By a lie in I mean 10am which for a Thursday is a FUCKING GODSEND. I had a shower and then I checked my stufff then I had lunch and then OFF I WENT to the bus. I had to run to get my train though. Twas not fun. But I got on the train and it started very quick. So it was a good job I managed to get on it at the time. Anyway I walked to uni and down I went to the editing suite. Just had to do a few things. Then a lecture happened and then a blank hour andd then back into the edit. To make this a lot lot simpler: We finished the documentary today, fully. We exported it, burnt it onto DVDs and I handed in my work. I cant tell you how fucking pleased I was when the ginger IT guy scanned in my front sheet and I got the receipt for it in my email. I was just like YESSS. You don't know the euphoria I now feel when I login to my uni site and im presented with this.

Seriously. Im so fucking pleased with myself. She taught us some more Final Cut shortcuts and stuff and then, cos we had finished, we got to leave early. Whooooooooooot. So I got to leave early. So lets see what has made up the awesomeness of my day. Lie In + Doing Little Work + Handing In Last Assignment + Getting Home Earlier. Fucking Win. Anyway I know todays entry is lacking somewhat, because its a thursday, but also there is problems with content. The problem being that there isn't going to be any new content for you to read till like Sunday. See today is my normal Thursday One Thought. But tomorrow I have Paramore at the NIA. Im not really looking forward to it that much. I mean its going to be me surrounded by nubile girls listening to bands ive never heard of and Paramore. Actually why the fuck am I complaining at being surrounded by 16/17 year olds. Maybe ive gone way gay. Anyway then on the Saturday theres no thought cos im in Birmingham from 2 onwards with peoples. So yes. Busy Busy Times Ahead. Im suggesting, once again, that if you wants to hear from me then Follow me on t'Twitter. I predict right now that 65% of the tweets tomorrow are going to be 'I wish these cunts would shut the fuck up in the queue' and 'Fuck im going to kill these twats if I don't get in soon enough'. Seriously. I always end up with twats in queues. Then again tomorrow im going to end up at the VERY END of the queue.

As I Said, Im Not Looking Forward To It Much

-micster x

Thought of the Day [09.12.2009]

2009-12-09T20:59:46Z

[09.12.2009]

Please Board This Train If You're A Vain Cunt
VROOOOOOM. I used to love trains yknow. It was always an adventure going on a train and seeing landscape scoot by the window. It was exciting. But now trains are just another way of getting to a place of education. Like a bus but longer and with more people breathing on you. But yknow im used to it now. Getting on a crowded metal box. But this morning something was different. Stranger, even. So I got on my bus and then I got to the translation in time for the 9:09. Now the 9:09 is the train to Birmingham International. But as the board read it at the station 'Birmingham International for the NEC Exhibition Centre'. Riiiight. I think most people know that already yknow. You don't usually put this on the board, strange people. Anyway the platform had quite a lot of people on it. I got a nice two seater to myself which I was very grateful for. Anyway the train got to Smethwick Galton Bridge and the platform was HEAVING with girls. Somewhat attractive ones too [Well alright, they were more the type that think they're attractive but actually look hilariously plastic] But it was just insane the amount of people who got on. I mean at Smethwick theres usually like three people MAX who want to get on there. But then I remembered something and connected the dots. NEC, Women who think they're attractive - THE CLOTHES SHOW LIVE. So yes thats where all the binches were off to. The platform at New Street was full of them too. Anyway I was walking to uni and the traffic was completely dead. I mean seriously - no cars were moving whatsoever. It was insane. Good for me walking, bad for people in busses and cars. Like Jawad who didn't end up getting to uni till 11:10 XD Anyway I wasn't going to my lecture today, no no. I was down in the edit suite doing stuff to our documentary. I don't think anyone turned up to any lectures - the place was quite full. After a couple of hours of hard work we came to, hopefully, a final cut. Im telling you now - it looks damn good. Im really pleased with how we made something so good with the problems we had with the footage. But its a three minute documentary at the end of the day. AKA its nothing to get excited about. Unless it was a documentary about dinosaurs coming back to life and eating landmark buildings.

Video Day!
Whooot. With no more work I can relax with Videos now. I can sit back, watch and be entertained muchly without the worry of work biting my nads off. So! Lets get started with the immense amount of intact testicular videos. First off we has the new Nostalgia Critic continuing with his Christmas Reviews. Whats the Christmas 'Spectacular' this week? He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special. Wait, what? Now see being a kid of the 90's I never saw He-Man or She-Ra cos it was an 80s thing. But I know of them. Thats one of the reasons I love the NC, Even if you don't know the material he still makes it funny for us. Good stuffs as usual, especially with the hinting of whats next week . . . [Thatguywiththeglasses.com] Next we traverse over to Sir Yahtzee for the new Zero Punctuation. This week he isn't reviewing one game, ho no, he's reviewed two. We are lucky lucky people. He took a look at Left 4 Dead 2 and New Super Mario Bros. Wii. As usual the review is kick arse and awesome. nomnomnom all over my face.[escapistmagazine.com] Also over at them crazy cats at The Escapist we has the latest Unskippable. This week they're taking a riff at Devil May Cry 4. I do like Devil May Cry. Its pretty cool stuff. But thats probably more because of how I want to jump Dante's sword rather than anything else. Next up we go on over to sir James Rolfe and the Angry Video Game Nerd. From the Nerd we get a review of the bootleg NES game Little Red Hood. Its the Nerd back to what he does best - reviewing shit. Rather than looking over a series of games, some of which he really enjoys. Its funny and its entertaining: What more does thou want? [Cinemassacre.com] Well if you want something straight then also up on Cinemassacre is a video about his Top 5 Films about Making Movies. Its a great watch for a film student like me. Maybe you take a pop in too. Nexxxt we go sees Spoony with a great review of an old cheap action rip off film. Whats it called? Strike Commando. Great film. I do love Spoony's stuff, he's so awesome [Spoonyexperiment.com]. And finallllly we go over to the Cinema Snob with his follow up to his Troll review, Troll 2. Ive never seen this legendary film. It seriously is a big deal in film circles and I am very tempted to give it a watch on the back of this review. It intrigues me highly.

Life Sentence For Pictoral Fondling
You know I don't really know much about the Philippines. Its one of those countries I just have never really heard anything about. Not like North Korea, its just my general ignorance on my part though. Anyway me not knowing anything about the Philippines I was pleased and confused with the new law they have passed. Its an upgrade of their Child Porn laws - If you produce, distribute or posses any of that stuff then you'd get up to a life in prison and a fine of 5 million pesos. This is the way forward, partly. Its good that a country has put up very strict laws about this stuff - I mean its still not as good as what they've been doing in other countries where they've been literally crucifying and murdering pedos but at least its a start. But the thing is the law is kicking up a fuss in certain circles. See it doesn't actually specify what constitutes as thus. It says; 'Any representation, whether visual, audio or written combination thereof, by electronic, mechanical, digital, optical, magnetic or any other means, or a child engaged or involved in real or simulated explicit sexual activities'. Thats quite a mouthful. But basically what its saying is drawings of underaged people are banned - So thats Lolicon from Japan banned, basically. Now im not sure what to think here because whilst its right to convict actual pedos who do this sick stuff, this bans drawings. Now you cant really connect drawings to someone actually going and trying something with a child. For example the law has effectively banned the book Lolita which I hear is a very influential book but you're fucked if you think ive read it. Me read a book … Anyway the law has also banned people under 18 'writing or recording sexual activity'. So you could effectively get arrested over there for saying you've just had sex with your girlfriend when both of you are 17. Technically you'd get banned for even saying out loud you've had sex together as thats audibly. So whilst it is good that this law is cracking down on the pedos, its also up for convicting innocent people. I think they need to focus more on those who actually actively partake in this shit rather than going after someone who owns a book where someone under 18 has had sex. But then again I know nothing of the Philippines, for all I know this is normal compared to what else they have in the country.

Yes: Im Thinking Pink Tigers and Stripy Dolphins

-micster x

Thought of the Day [08.12.2009]

2009-12-08T20:59:48Z

[08.12.2009]

The Leak of Creativity
Last night I said that I was on literal fire and bursting with creativity for the screenplay im working on. Well I wrote last nights entry at the usual time of 3 and I opened my script at, ooh, half 6ish. It remained open for six hours and I didn't do any work on it until half midnight. Why? Well a mixture of watching TV and talking to people really. I was just being constantly distracted. But then it got to me sitting in the dark with my earphones in and the only thing I could hear being the Batman Begins OST. Seriously that soundtrack could make your script sound epic when writing anything. Hell if the guy who wrote Kindergarten Cop was able to hear this soundtrack whilst he read his script he probably would've forgot it was an Arnie vehicle and thought it was a missing Godfather sequel he had written. Anyway I wrote until about half 2 and got about 11 pages down. I really love it. See this is the sort of writing I love doing - Just an idea of the narrative and no actual planning out of whats going to happen in the story. Just sitting down and writing and seeing the story come out whilst you write. Ive got a pretty much complete idea in my mind now at where the story is going. But of course there is just one big problem. How the fuck am I going to film this with no budget whatsoever?! I think if it comes down to filming then it'll be like how the fantastically cheesy and hilarious 'Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter' was filmed - Shot on weekends over a two year period. Only theres no way I'd let it go on for two years. Plus the situation is completely different - That fantastic thing was funded by the Canada Film Council and was shot on 16mm. I think it'd be very damn interesting if I could get someone to fund the shoot. I wonder who would take that sort of risk though. Im going to guess pretty much no one. If it really came down to it then I'd try the whole paypal donations thing but I really really don't like the idea of doing that. When I see interweb peoples getting money from random people I always feel envious but also strange that they'd donate such high amounts to someone they don't even know. Its something I wouldn't want to do. I'd feel too guilty. But it definitely wont get to that - I'll sell my arse virginity for funding before it got to that.

Wank Fantasy
Its no secret that I love the musical genius of Kunt and the Gang. Ive posted up his stuff a couple of times here. He's just a fantastic comedy artist. I really would love to see him perform live. But he's coming no where near me on his tour. Which is a damn shame. Anyway I really want to get his CD's because he's done so much material but a lot of it isn't available to get illegallies. Mostly because he's still not that popular. I don't know why - his videos get so so many videos. For example, his new video. The video for the song Wank Fantasy. See this is probably why I love his songs so much - they're just so puerile and perverse. That means me and kunt fit perfectly. His new video is definitely one of his best and also its high tech. And by high tech I mean its almost all greenscreen. But its got a great charm and the video is just so fucking hilarious. We should all listen to his musics, it'd make the world such a nicer place to live in. Anyway, Wank Fantasy. Here ye go.

See not only is it hilarious but its also hottt. I mean damn. DAAAYMN. Kunt is a lucky guy. You've got to wonder what sort of secretary wears such short skirts and whorey undergarments. That would probably be a big factor in if I would do any office work. That'd be a good thing to ask in an interview really wouldn't it; 'Well I certainly like your health benefits but I do have a question; Are your secretary's whores?'. Im sure i'd still get the job after asking too.

Russian Cannibalism Delicacy
I don't know that much about russia and russians, really. The only things I do know is that they have a weird looking language and they are a bit fucked up. I mean lets be honest, having the exhumed corpse of one of your past leaders on display for all to see isn't that normal, is it. Well it seems this idea of Russian people doing completely insane and ridiculous things is continuing, but this one is just completely inexcusable. So this 27 year old guy who lived with his mom tried getting his moms pension money to buy alcoholmol with it. Well she said no. So what did he decide to do? He hit her head with a brick and then strangled her to death. He then stowed her body on the balcony of the apartment. So what did he do with the money? He lost it all on buying drink and gambling. Well what a fucking cunt. I mean seriously how fucking insane in the mind do you need to be to do such a thing? Oh but it gets worse. He now has no money for food and theres no food in his apartment. So what did he do? Well because of how he put the body in the balcony the cold had frozen his moms corpse; 'She was frozen, like meat in the freezer'. So he started, honestly, slicing off parts of her body and flesh to make soup and pasta. He did this for a whole month. It was only discovered when the police went around his apartment because of him thieving a phone. Anyway he got arrested, obviously, and he pleaded guilty to all the charges. So he was given 15 years in jail. Not enough if you ask me. But this isn't the end of the story, kids. The JUDGE SYMPATHISED with the twat and said that the guy was just hungry and had to do what he could. SO HE KNOCKED 9 MONTHS OFF HIS SENTENCE. I seriously don't know whose more retarded here. The alcoholic twat who killed his mom or the idiotic judge who sympathised with the mom killing cannibalistic twat. Maybe this isn't that big of a deal in Russia and they eat corpses all the time with a side order of vodka. Whatever it is, they can take there retarded ideals and shove it up there arse.

If Wolverhampton Gets Bombed By Russia I Am Sorry

-micster x

Thought of the Day [07.12.2009]

2009-12-07T20:59:45Z

[07.12.2009]

Snootyness and Cunts on the Train
Ah yes another Monday morning and another commute over to uni has happened. I like mondays. Don't have to be up thaaat early and the daily constitutes of hearing Valentina yap on about some crap and then watch a film. So how was the commute? Fucking hilarious, sort of. Lets, you know it, go from the top. So I got on me bus to town and didn't get stuck in much traffic. But this did mean I was at the train station in time for the 8:59 though. I do not like the 59 - it gets me to uni too early. So i waited around until the 9 past. Now when I got on it I quickly found a seat and sat down next to this woman. Anyway I was messing with my iPod trying to listen to the Batman Begins soundtrack [more on that later] but the audio levels were being shit so I thought fuck it. Anyway it was at this point, going past Coseley, that I saw what the woman was reading. She was reading the Daily Mail which basically is THE paper for snooty fuckers across England. Now the Mail has done many things in the past, including kicking up a fuss when Russell Brand and Woss phoned up Andrew Sachs. So what did I decide to do? I decided to open my bag, grab my copy of Russell Brand's autobiography and started reading it infront of her. Can you guess what her face was like? It of complete disgust. I laughed HARD when I got off the train. Fucking Mail and their shit readerbase. Anyway at uni we watched a film called Do The Right Thing. It was mediocre. It looked nice but it didn't have much actual content till the very very very end when about two tons of shit hit an industrial strength fan. Anyway left a bit late cos the film overran but then I became THE KING OF PUBLIC TRANSPORT. I got to New Street at 1:21:50. I got to the gates at 1:22 - Two minutes before the train towards Holyhead was going. So I ran and I got it with one minute to spare. I was like FUCK YEAHHH. The train ride wasn't great - there was some noisy cunts. And I mean cunts. I don't know what the fuck they were going on about but christ it pissed me off. You know you speak too loud when diru isn't drowning you out. Anyway I did see something I had never seen in public though - An asian guy was on the train and he had bought a PSP Go from Argos. I have never seen ANYONE actually buying one of those overpriced and mostly useless things. Later on in the train ride he had his head in his arms. Im assuming he just realised how much money he had spent on shit. Anyway I got off the train at like 1:42 and I walked fast up to the bus station. AND! I JUST CAUGHT THE BUS! Like it pulled up when I walked into the stand. SEE! IM THE KING! No but seriously it was pretty good that I got home so fast. It meant my whole commute took like 47 minutes. THAT. IS. GLORIOUS! Tonight im going to do a lot of writing. Im just feeling so damn scriply creative. IM ON FIRE. LITERALLY, OW FUCK THATS PAINFUL.

Batman Begins
Now if you've ever seen The Byrne Subversive then you'd probably get the inkling that I like Batman. I mean not every writer has one of their actors go IM BATMAAAAN and then get slapped around the head. See Batman is just cool - I mean I don't read the comics or any of that jazz but I do enjoy the films. But for some strange reason I had never seen Batman Begins. But after last nights X Factor where county Olly somehow go through rather than Danyl [Its fucking BULLSHIT] ITV1 showed it. I had completely forgot so I sat down, had some cheese and cracker biscuits and took a watch of it. To say that the film is amazing is an understatement. Its one of those films where everything is just perfect in its own right. And why wouldn't it be? It was the Batman film that Christopher Nolan did before The Dark Knight, and we all know how awesome that film was. Its one of the rare films that I actually saw in cinemas. Both TDK and Batman Begins is a thrillride. I mean Begins of course goes through, you guessed it, how it all starts. How he became Batman. What happened when he was a child. All of that good stuff. The writing is witty and funny, its direction is fantastic - Its just one of those films you watch at in awe. To see either of these films in IMAX must've been just amazing. The ariel shots especially. You'd probably feel like the BATMAAAN himself. See when I downloaded the soundtrack to TDK I felt it wasn't that great and now I know why - So much of it is recycled from Begins. The soundtrack to Begins seriously is amazing and again its just a showcase at how epic Hans Zimmer is when composing. Christopher Nolan is a fantastic writer director and Begins is just one of those films that has to be seen - Reading about it wont impact you but the film just hits you full on. I have a lot of respect for Nolan - I even mentioned him in my UCAS personal statement. I mean Nolan was on set for every single shot. Even if it was like something really unimportant like an aerial shot of the city. For everything, he was there. Thats what I personally would do. I wouldn't let some second unit director swan off filming for my film. It has his mark all over it - both on screen and audibly. It may sound like im tonguing his balls now but its all true. If you've not seen it then you should. Because trust me you could watch a lot lot worse in the same amount of time. Avatar for example (;

The Lapdancer Researcher
You know, a lot of people say you should get jobs whilst at uni. I really don't see how. I mean I have enough work to do and enough hours to think about swanning around with a job. Besides what the fuck would I work at? Somehow I don't think any shop would employ someone looking like I do. I wouldn't mind working in a shop. I'd want to work somewhere like Nostalgia & Comics or Forbidden Planet. Cos you could read manga all day without getting hassled cos its very rare that them places actually bloody sell anything, But ive seen this one posting for a job and I think it would be the PERFECT job I could get whilst at uni. See Leeds University has posted a job which pays £31,513 a YEAR. Thats a lot of cocking money for a uni student. Well what do you think the job is about? I mean if it pays THAT much surely it must be some hard work. Right? No. The job is to investigate the lapdancing industry. BEST JOB EVER?! I mean you're going to get paid £31.5k a YEAR to interview dancers and go to stripbars to see what happens and stuff. The applicant will 'explore the rise and regulation of lap dancing' I KNOW WHAT ELSE WILL BE RISING, AMIRITE? Anyway some morons are pissed off that tax payers money will seep into it and all of this bullshit but fuck that - This is the best job ever. I need to print out my CV right now and send it off to Leeds. I mean come on, surely I must be applicable for thi- 'The closing date for the position has passed and interviews are expected to be held on December 14th'. FUCK YOU DIGITALSPY! Don't fucking tell us all about this super amazing job AFTER the deadline has closed for applications. GAWD DAYMN. I mean what am I going to do jobwise now? I mean I'd like to work somewhere like the apple store but honestly I don't think we could compare watching women give lap dances to telling fat idiots how to use Mac's. Well whoever gets the position they are a lucky lucky man. Actually I just realised how fucking epic it would be if the person who got a job would be a woman.

Hilariously Epic and Extraordinarily Erotic

-micster x

Thought of the Day [06.12.2009]

2009-12-06T20:59:48Z

[06.12.2009]

Pizza Slice: The Ultimate Weapon
Raaaargh. I'll tell you what I hate. White Wine. See I don't know why our wine rack only had white wine but it meant I had to force myself to swig it on camera. I drunk about half the bottle. Of course only after I majorly fucked up trying to actually open the bastard. Lets just say I ended up trying to use a knife to get the cork out and the cork ended up going inside the wine. WHOOPS. But why was a drinking wine from the bottle on camera, you may ask. Well last night the filming went ahead as planned. My uncle picked my family up to go to my other uncles surprise birthday party. Why wasn't I going? Because I couldn't be fucked. Seriously it was just gonna be crap. One epic thing is that my uncle asked me about my ex. How did he do that? 'You heard anything from that wench at all'. I do love my family. Anyway Jack arrived at like half 7 and I had done a few shots and we got straight into shooting. It was quite exciting really. We finished off around 9:40 so it was like two hours of shooting. The cut at the moment is 3 minutes 20 secs which is pretty damn awesome. It means its longer than Notebook and still only beaten by The Byrne Subversive. Anyway many hilarious stuff happened whilst shooting - We did conclude that the bit where Jack slits my throat with a pizza slicer was one of the most epic things ever recorded on video though. Oh and I improvised and got an apple involved. Only your imagination can think what happened with that apple. Anyway I don't know what im doing with the piece really. Because I'd love to make this the start of a full film. Jack is currently doing a bit of composing for the music to the piece and so I think its going to go far. Like I can film for free, I can write, I have ideas. Lets try doing this shit! But of course that means you guys wont see annnny of what was filmed for a long long time. So let me throw you a bone and show you one shot. Now we all have a shot when filming that we LOVE and think is awesome looking. For this video its me going into a room whilst holding a screwdriver. A la;

It does look a lot better in motion. Which is why im going to let you download the whole clip - IM JUST THAT NICE! Ive shoved it on Sharebee so you can choose where you download it from; So take a watch of it why don't thou. I think the biggest mindfuck in the whole video is me wearing a pink shirt whilst also wearing my diru hoody. Conflicts of Interests, HOOOOO~!

High Kick Girl
See it'd be a lot easier for me to do these cheap films if I was over in Japan. For some reason any crap can get a release and a budget over there. If I wasn't retarded I'd try learning the language but it is haaaard. Me learning a new language is a big nono but fuck I'd love doing it. Especially when most of these cheap films involve Japanese women with their tits out. Somehow I think I'd be in my element there. Actually just had a vision of me sitting in a chair smoking a cigar saying 'chitsu no kami no kuroozuappu o watashi ni ete kudasai'. If your wondering what it means then it means 'Get me a closeup of the vaginal hair'. I disgust myself with happiness. Anyway one of these weird cheap films is coming out and it just looks … insane. See when you think of low budget films you often think of Hong Kong kung fu flicks and stuff like that. But with kung fu you need to hire professional stunt people. Well this film, High Kick Girl, is thinking FUCK THAT and basically having all of the actors actually get hit and kicked. No stunts, no standins. Take a look at the trailer to grasp an idea at what im talking about.

You really do have to give this film credit though - These people are actually getting hurt whilst making the film. I mean you see in that trailer - the girl literally gets kicked in the head loads of times. Now personally i'd be like FUCK THAT if my agent told me that he had found me a film where i'd be repeatedly hurt. But im sure its a good watch. I mean the story might lack but at least the action'd be good and actually look real. Because it is, innit. The one bit of that trailer which reallly impressed me was when that guy dropped onto the car Oldboy style. But he actually physically did it. Fucking kick arse.

Good Old Fashioned Sexism
Some old stereotypes are hard to get rid off, especially when its been instilled in so many peoples minds. I mean lets see what the old view of women was - Someone who stays at home cleaning and cooking. Now thats not really that true anymore but a lot of people still have that view. And I don't just mean cunts - I mean normal people too. See a Garden Centre over here in jolly old England has a Christmas Brochure full of present ideas. Anyone who got me a present from a garden centre of all places would probably get a throat full of soil pretty soon afterwards. Anyway the brochure was sent out to about 900,000 homes. Well thats one way of getting people interested I suppose. Anyway one of the products was a £45 clothesline. Now Garden Centres do sell that sort of stuff but £45?! Fuck off. But the price isn't the controversial thing: The controversial thing is that underneath the product was banner saying 'Make her feel special with a clothesline this Christmas' OOOOH SHIIIIIT. That somehow doesn't seem like a very good thing to advertise does it really. Make her feel special - Good thing. With a clothesline - VERY VERY BAD IDEA THING. The womanise equality group WAITS is obviously pissed off saying that a clothesline wouldn't make anyone feel special. NOOOOO REEEEALLLLY? I don't think we needed telling that, even the stupidest of guys know that. Apparently it was supposed to be a joke but it doesn't really come across as such does it? One of the people working for the centre was like 'The brochures have been delivered by Royal Mail so we cannot recall them'. So basically what he was saying in his mind was 'The brochures have been delivered by Royal Mail so we cannot recall them but I need to get looking for a new job because this moronity is gonna get my ass FIRED'. If someone does get fired then I don't think it should be the person who wrote the ill advised joke.

It Should Be Whoever Thought £45 Was Reasonable For A Clothesline

-micster x

Thought of the Day [05.12.2009]

2009-12-05T21:01:20Z

[05.12.2009]

Low Light: High Death
Rargh. I do love writing and filming but bloody hell all the prep and planning takes it out of me. See when its just you filming yourself then you don't really need to do much planning. You just pick up your camera, do your shots - Boom. But when its with other people you need to meticulously plan it all out to show them. See by the time you are reading this I would've hopefully finished filming or i'll still be filming something very important. Important and Stressful. See ive said many a time that my camera is cheap and not that great, which is why I want to hurry up and replace my equipment asap. Apart from my tripod, my tripod is still awesome. See and with most cameras [but especially cheap ones] they're shit in low light situations. And this is true for loads of cameras. If you want to film good stuff in the dark then you'll be needing to get your hands on professional equipment such as the XL2's I use in uni. And somehow I don't think I have £4k to spend on equipment. So im having to make do and ive done some tests [Notebook was a big big test for the low light stuff but morphed into something awesome] and I think it should work alright. I hope it does anyone cos as I said, this piece is important. I know im being very vague here but I will tell you one thing. Im very scared that I might get accidentally stabbed with a very blunt knife. Because lets be honest - Accidents happen on sets. Usually with real guns and real knifes - not a blunt piece of crap. But it'll be exciting to work with more than just me and do some outside filming. Hmm how can I make this less vague. Alright i'll give you some info. Ive decided that I want to do a low budget film, you know this yes? Well I was thinking of ideas and then wrote this small video. But then I decided to make this small video the start of a whole film with a whole narrative and stuff. I have been going through the idea in my head and I think its going to work really really well. Theres only one bad thing I can think of when doing this shoot. And that is having to burn to DVD and listen to Poker Face in the filming. What a waste of a disk.

Facebook Overload
So we all know Facebook has ruled supreme over Myspace now. I mean lets be honest - Its pretty obvious now. No one gives a fuck about Myspace. But that doesn't mean Tom and his retarded peoples have given up trying to make the service popular once again. The thing they're doing now is putting up full discographies on the music streams. Great? No one gives a fuck about that, Myspace. If we want to listen to tracks then we pirate them. You have to remember that there audience is like 16 year olds - They just pirate shit. Oh but it does bring up some hilarious example material. The Vatican has made a myspace playlist of music. One of the songs on it is a 2pac song. CATHOLICISM: FUCK YEAH! But the thing is, with Myspace not popular anymore it means that the sort of Myspace Retards have come on over to Facebook Land spreading the retarded stuff they would usually pull on Myspace. So we might not have the glitter graphics and the shit layouts - but we can still have the same bullshit they usually pull. So lets go through the two major things that are pissing me off. The first being profile pictures. Now Myspace and Facebook are social networking sites, yes? So that means your profile picture should be a picture of YOU. Not a celebrity, not an anime picture, not your name in some retarded graphic - IT SHOULD BE YOU. I am fed up of going on Facebook and seeing about a million copies of the same picture of a newborn child. Now you might think im being harsh because the person would be proud of there child. Only problem being ITS NOT EVEN THEIR CHILD. SO FUCKING PACK THAT SHIT IN. The second thing links into the idiot who does that thing. Now on Facebook you can join groups and become fans of things. Yes? We know this. But the thing is how about you not join hundreds of groups every fucking day. Alright not hundreds but there is one person on my list who joins about 15 every day. Then the person with the fucking child in their picture decides to join fuck tons too. Seriously, she has joined 61 and is a fan of 323 things. ITS. STUPID. What the fuck is the point in becoming a fan of 'Trying to feel for your phone and panicking when you cant feel it'. If your a fan of that then it means you enjoy it but the text insinuates you shouldn't enjoy panicking at that and OH LAWD. ITS JUST RETARDED. Maybe I should just delete people who do this shit but then they have won in some retarded way. So I will just have to keep watching my page spread with idiocy and retardation until they die. Win.

The Corpse Sleeping Companion
Now death is quite a hinderance with all things considered. But the thing is we don't have to consider the dead person with this, rather we have to consider the person they leave behind. See because if your wife, or husband, died then you'd probably react in various different ways. You might be sad, you might be glad [thinking of arranged marriages here] or you might become psychotic. Now I know we all grieve in different ways but there has to be some sort of limit. Leaving there stuff how it is, fine. Sniffing their clothes to feel close to them, fine. Taking their corpse and sleeping next to it night after night - WAIT WTF. A guy over in Vietnam dug up his wife's corpse and slept beside it for FIVE YEARS. Why? Because he wanted to hug her in bed. There is a line here somewhere and we passed it quite a while ago. The story doesn't start here though - We have to go back to 2003 when his wife died. He slept on top of her grave. That, for one, is just fucking freaky. But 20 months after doing this [how didn't the police pick him up for doing this] he decided that he was worried about the weather. So what do you think he did. HE DUG A TUNNEL INTO THE GRAVE SO HE COULD SLEEP WITH HER. WHUTHUTHTHUTHTUTTTTTTTTTTT. This guy already has some seemingly fucked up stuff going around his mind. Why wasn't he sectioned? See in 2004 his children found out and stopped him from going to her grave. THAT ISNT GOOD ENOUGH. You needed to get him into a fucking psychiatric hospital - It was obvious he was fucked up. So this is where his grandé masterplan came into fruition. He dug up his wifes remains, used clay to keep all of her remains together and then put her in his bed so he could hug her. How could he ever think this was a good plan. I mean this has been going on for 5 years too - would the smell not have set anything off? Apparently the neighbours didn't dare go to his house, was it because of the smell or because they knew? If they knew then WHY DIDNT THEY SAY ANYTHING SOONER?! Pictures are out there and I saw one. It was pathetic. You didn't really see the corpse but what you did see that wasnt in the article that he had made a mask that he put on her face. The story is just soul crushingly sad. I wonder whats going to happen to this guy and what his children would think of this. I mean he dug her up. His wife. Their mom.

Some People Just Cant Be Logically Analysed

-micster x

Thought of the Day [04.12.2009]

2009-12-04T20:59:46Z

[04.12.2009]

The Most Depressing, Yet Hilarious, Christmas Sight
See now its December I have to actually talk about Christmas. Oh no im not allowed to ignore its upcoming anymore because its slapped in our faces like rudolph's non-existent cancerous nose. I saw something last night that I thought might be a one off, but no, today I saw it once again. BUT WHAT DID I SEE?! Well lets go to the top of the day. I got my bus in to town and went across to the bridge where I saw the regular Big Issue seller sitting on his bin. But there was a key difference. HE WAS DRESSED AS SANTA. You know how Santa usually goes HO HO HO! Well if kids see this guy they'll reckon that all the stories are wrong and that santa actually says BIIIIIGGGG ISSUE. Its just stupid. I mean the people are going out there degrading themselves anyway - You don't need to dress like an idiot to do it. As I said, I saw a similar thing last night - The woman outside of New Street was dressed in Christmas gear. Personally she freaks me out, she seems like a big big druggy. Anyway when I finally got to New Street this morning the guy who is usually there wasn't dressed up. I could imagine him telling them to shove the outfit up their respective arses. He is hardcore. But on my way back to New Street the woman from last night was there again in all her Mrs. Drug Filled Claus getup. Its both depressing and hilarious. Hilarious because, Well just look at them quite frankly. But depressing because these guys are going out there and degrading themselves and lowering themselves just to try and get scraps of money, that no one ever gives them, for food. Or in most cases: drugs. On my bus home I was on the top and I looked out the window at Chapel Ash and saw a guy in a Big Issue sash giving a shady looking guy loads of pound coins. I WONDER WHAT THEY WERE FOR. It certainly wasn't change for a big issue. Anyway to just quickly run through what happened in my day : I had my head almost explode in Media Tech, I handed in my coursework - so fucking happy about that, I had a couple of hours of fun times and then a simple but good Film Industry lecture. So whats in store for me now? Lots of sleep and lots of planning for what im filming tomorrow evening. Night Shots + Cheap Camera = Not Fun. But creative freedom and a free house = Exceedingly Fun. Especially when I think about what what this is going to be used for. But I shall not speak of that now. Soon, yesh. But not yet. Oooh arnt I a cock teasing fucker.

You Were
Its December! Its been many months since Ayumi Hamasaki's new release! THAT MUST MEAN ITS TIME FOR MORE MUNDANITY FROM THE WOMAN HERSELF! Ah yes her new single, BALLAD / you were [Yes, she really now has a song called BALLAD - This is how original she is now]. Anyway it was originally supposed to be out on the 16th but that got fucked in the arse because of competition so now its not out till the 29th. But that hasnt stopped previews of the songs coming out. Im not sure what to say about them really. They both sound nice and ballady but they arnt making much of an impression on me. Of course they're just LQ at the moment but I don't know. Her voice is fucked basically. She cant be epic anymore. But then I got home from uni yesterday and I hear that her new video has come out. Why would you release a PV just under 4 weeks before the single comes out? I don't know - Ask An Cafe, thats the schtick they usually pull out of the bag. Anyway the video to you were. The good news is that it isn't Kazuyoshi that directed it. Now I said that I wouldn't buy anything of hers until she stopped using him. But im not going to buy this. But thats for very different reasons. The main one being, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

See now im all up for random and symbolic videos that make no literal sense but has no deeper meaning - BUT WHAT THE FUCK? This makes no sense, its shit, its just a mundane five minutes. The song being ehhhh doesn't help. Its definitely not awful like the bollocks shes fed to us of late. Its just literally nothingness. Its something we've all heard her do before with a better voice and better melody. On the plus side, BALLAD does sound better but still not great. Why cant she just take a year or two off. Or why doesn't she just leave the industry. Shes never going to be as amazing as she was. She ruined that for herself.

Flippant Divorces: FUCK YEAH!
I don't really think i'd get married. For one women are shit [mostly] The amount of problems I and people I know and care about have had with them of late is insane. Maybe its just certain type of women but in my experience its just easier to say that they are all lying, heart breaking, moronic, mind fuckery masters until proved otherwise. Oh and of course the second reason I wouldn't get married is that no self respecting woman would settle down with me being the jaded misanthropic twat that I am. So arnt we glad that theres divorce! So if we do have a major fuck up we can just go and scrub it all out, as Sophie from Peep Show put it. But the thing is you have to wonder. Why do some people get married and then get divorced over something so stupid. You want an example? Well I gots your example right here! A woman in India has divorced her husband. What is the reason you wonder. Maybe he abuses her, Maybe he stops her from going out - Nono. He banned her from watching soaps. YES. REALLY. Apparently the husband had argued with her for four years about her watching Hindi soaps on TV. Why? What difference does it really make. Women do watch crap on TV whilst we're wanting to watch something better. You settle with it - Surely you loved this man [unless its an arranged divorce, in that case I can understand completely] at some point in your life, you really want to throw it all away just because he doesn't like seeing soaps all the fucking time? Bloody Women. You know the worst bit? They have a 6 year old kid too. Sorry, Child, mommy and daddy are getting a divorce because they're both fucking idiots. Theres no guilty party here : they are both idiots. I think idiots shouldn't be allowed to marry really. It just brings up the divorce rate. There is a simple plan that I think we should implement though. Everyone should just be gay. That means they'd be no kids stinking up places and being annoying little shits - But also it means that us men wouldn't have to worry about women. Of course we'd be fucked when we realise we have no future anymore because theres no generation but what can I say, this isn't a long term solution

But Fuck The Short Term Would Be Awesome

-micster x

Thought of the Day [03.12.2009]

2009-12-03T20:59:45Z

[03.12.2009]

Moar Work, Moar Stress and Moar Discounts Needed
Wow I have a lot to write about today and not a lot of time in which to write. See right now its half 7 and I have some work to finish off for tomorrow. Oh yes, Welcome to the Uni Student's Lifestyle. Anyway lets run over to the morning. So I had to get up as if twas a Friday - I had to give my Design and Graphics presentation of my portfolio. I was fretting about it. For one its because of how I didn't finish my portfolio until last night. For two I didn't actually know how to present it. See Andy had his presentation with his graphics teacher earlier in the week. I think his lecturer must be a bitch because she just sat there saying nothing telling him to talk about it. But Roy is awesome - I think he's a kick ass lecturer really. And he understands me. I reckon my D and G stuff is my fave module. Anyway I sat there and it got to like quarter past 9. Now my presentation was supposed to be at 10 past. So I checked the intranet and he was in the staff area on level 2. So I shot him an email and then two minutes later he turned up cos he forgot we were starting early cos of the presentations. Whoops. Anyway we got in the room, he read my stuff, I talked about it. It all went really really well. Im very very pleased. Anyway then cos I had quite a bit of time I decided to go down to 150 to do some editing. I was pleased with it, it was awesome. Anyway then I went off to the Bullring. Why? Because Borders is closing so I went to check out all the discounts. It was only 20% off the manga though. And so when Borders sells it at £7 each THATS NOT A VERY GOOD DISCOUNT. They wonder why they have gone bankrupt when, say, Forbidden Planet does 3 for 2. Actually I did go to Forbidden Planet today also. They had a Misa and Light figure, No L ): BUT! When I was walking out I saw that they ARE selling the new Metal Gear Solid models!!!! FOR £18!!! FFUUUCCCKKKKK YOOOU PRICESS. Anyway I got back to uni and did lots and lots and lots of work. Ive got a couple of things to finish off tonight. Hopefully it'll all go well. It should do. But the Content Acquisition tutorial made me just not care. Firstly we were using Final Cut and she was asking questions and I was basically answering them all correctly. Anyway we did some editing and then she came over and looked at it. Some of our shots are fucked basically. So right now im stressed at what we're gonna have to try and do. Im sure over the weekend I'll have a good think about it all and come up with a solution. But at the moment im just like rarararargh. Once I hand in my work im going to feel awesome. Like really really happy. Anyway we got to leave early - I got on an earlier bus and then I got home to MANY MANY things on my bed. Lots of printer paper, My new t shirt which i'll probably wear tomorrow and a Christmas Present I had ordered for my mom. Actually talking of Christmas I saw all of Wolvo's Christmas Lights when coming home. One of them said 'Happy Christmas, Wolverhampton' Happy Christmas? Who the fuck says HAPPY Christmas?! ITS MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU IDIOTS.

MERRY. IT RHYMES WITH SHERRY.

-micster x